Personality must be accepted for what it is. You musn't mind that a poet is a drunk. – Oscar Wilde
More than a century after the great Oscar Wilde wrote the above line
have we yet learned that he was wrong? Educated people know, intellectually, that we
are all changeable. 
Now, science offers further proof that we are not doomed to be victims of our genetic programming – especially when it comes to personality.
When Cathy Self, Mark Evans and I go about the country speaking to
hospitals about creating cultures of loving care, we often encounter
leaders and doctors who are stuck in Wilde's 19th century thinking.
"You can't change people," they say with a disdain born of ignorance.
What we often advise is that human beings have highly changeable
behaviors based upon their environment. Leaders can create loving
cultures by how they hire, orient, train, and reward staff members. The
culture of our country is changing at this very moment as we anticipate
the arrival of a new President. Economic conditions affect our daily
behavior and attitude. How we are treated in various setting affects
our responses.
Can people change? Of course. The truth is that we change and adapt every day.
An article by Sharon Begley (above, left) in the December 1 edition of Newsweek magazine ("When DNA is Not Destiny")
offers additional proof that our personalities are no longer stuck in
genetic programing. Small children who appear shy "by nature" can be
gently and effectively encouraged to encounter other children on the
playground. As they do, they begin to leave some of their shyness
behind. They may still need more quiet time, but they are able to live
in society in a way that is more open and trusting. On the other hand, if they are
branded as "shy" and parents do nothing to attempt to alter this, they
will remain shy.
Furthermore, and this is instructive for healthcare leaders, if parents attempt to bully their children out of shyness, they may create the opposite effect.
What about personal decisions to change? Programs like Alcoholics
Anonymous teach that personal change is difficult but possible. Genetic
sensitivity to alcohol need not doom these individuals. Change will happen given 1) a personal decision to change, 2) a culture and
setting that support change.
Science now reinforces what we have sensed for a long time. Loving
leadership can create a culture in which staff members actually change
their behavior as well as some of the thinking that underlies that
behavior. In this behavior change, loving behavior will emerge from
people who may previously have seemed burned out and cynical.
Individuals who refuse to adapt to this change are likely to leave the
organization. Gradually, change emerges as Love finds a setting where
she can flourish.
Each of us has the power to nurture Loving cultures in all of the
settings we inhabit – whether they involve a short encounter in a store
or the extended encounters of family or work setting. Underneath all of this is the core question: Should we try to change others? I believe the answer is no. Instead, the best we can do is to open ourselves to Love's energy. Each day, we face this challenge anew. Each moment, we face the temptation to take easier paths that end up leading to worse places. As Maya Angelou writes: "Love costs all we are and will ever be. But, it is only love that sets us free."
What do you think?
-Erie Chapman
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