Journal of Sacred Work

[Note: As the horror in Haiti continues to unfold, I know you will join me in praying for all those who are suffering beneath fallen buildings, their families, and their courageous caregivers.]

The definition of "forgive" is to "stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw or mistake." – Joe Posnanski writing in Sports Illustrated about recent admissions of steroid use by home run king Mark McGwire

   Every day, a new scandal about one of our heroes appears in the paper and on television. Most recently, it was the news that home run king Mark Maguire (left) admitted using steroids and also admitted lying about it for years. The report set off the expected wave of condemnation, anger and judgment. For whatever it's worth, McGwire, in the middle of a tearful apology, seemed to agree that he deserved all the calumny. It's also true that steroid use was so common in McGwire's era that one wonders which players were not using performance enhancing drugs.

   But most people don't want to hear much about that. It gets in the way of their hair-trigger desire to pass judgment and to condemn. After all, when we attack the indiscretions of others, doesn't that make us seem all the more upright and moral? We would never be indiscreet, would we?

   I was with a dear family member recently who was experiencing excruciating back pain. For decades, this person has steadfastly refused any kind of prescription pain relievers whenever doctors offered them. This time, in the midst of her agony, she finally relented, agreeing to a low dose of a codeine-style pill. As soon as relief flowed through her she said, "I will never again pass judgment on an addict again."

   In her sixties, this person has no chance of becoming an addict. The point was not about drugs, it was about judging others. It was not about approving drug addiction or any other kind of moral indiscretion, it was about understanding, forgiveness and God's Love.

   Clearly, we all need to take responsibility for our own actions. We have seen countless politicians, sports stars, and movie stars (not to mention others we know personally) break society's rules and then lie to cover the mistake.

   Whether it's Tiger Woods, former Senator John Edwards, the Governor of South Carolina, or actor Charlie Sheen, we love imagining that our human heroes are super-human. When we discover they're mere mortals, we are shocked.

   Each of us must take accountability. But, what's the point of trying to shame someone?

   The real question becomes: How do we make judgments without being judgmental? How do we protect organizational integrity without using the burning weapons of shame to degrade a remorseful wrongdoer?  How do we act fairly and decently toward someone we think has been unfair to us or to our organization?

   These questions and considerations are often lost. Instead, when someone – a fellow caregiver, a leader, or a friend we have trusted – does someone we think is wrong we often rush to righteous indignation at lightning speed. Who cares what the other side of the story might be, right? In our moralistic horror, we frequently try, convict and sentence the accused without consideration to what might be another side to the story. Perhaps, we even think that in passing judgment, we will somehow escape judgment ourselves.

   Jesus, of course, tells us not to judge. Yet, we know that wrongdoing cannot be tolerated. How can we live Love and still protect organizational and individual integrity?

   Love's answer to this dilemma, through Jesus, is to guide us to make fair and reasonable decisions without the use of shame and waggling fingers. Jesus' was not trying to keep us from deciding, he was warning us not to look down on others since we are all wrong-doers. Anger-driven condemnation is sometimes as wrong as the offense that triggered it.

   Anger can blind us to fairness. Anger can also place us in a position of arrogance and superiority.

   One of the most common escape paths for all of us when we've made a mistake is the old cliche: "Well, I guess we're all human."  Everyone agrees with this.

   So why is it so difficult for us to engage God's Love every time we think we've caught someone making a mistake? As Mr. Posnanski writes, above, "the definition of forgive is to stop feeling angry toward someone…" But, well, I guess we're all human.

-Erie Chapman