Journal of Sacred Work

 A woman I am coaching asked me, "Why are men such terrible listeners?"

   Agreeing with her I said, "We hear with our ears, listen with our eyes. Men are anxious to impress women & get the edge on other men by hijacking the podium." 

   She liked that & I thought I had coined a new saying. Quick research revealed only one other speaker of that line, a fellow named Alfred Benjamin who wrote, “Genuine listening is hard work; there is little about it that is mechanical… We hear with our ears, but we listen with our eyes and mind and heart and skin and guts as well."* 

   His statement is richer by describing listening as a whole body experience. 

   How often have you asked a man, "Did you hear what I said?" as he, restless, waits to speak himself? I plead guilty to to repeated offenses. 

   Women are better at relationships & thus learn to listen with their eyes. Men, as boys, are kicked into competition where talking is one way of "winning" women as well as defeating men.

   Radical Loving caregivers are always good at listening with their eyes. That is why, to this day, nearly ninety percent of nurses are women & fifty percent of doctors. 

   Computers can improve curing. They also drive a wedge between caregiver & patient.

   Women are our last hope of preserving the healing art of compassionate listening. When the majority of CEOs are women (or men who balance compassion with toughness) healing will truly dominate caregiving.

  And eyes will become organs of hearing as well as seeing. 

-Erie Chapman, President Emeritus, Riverside Methodist Hospital

*The only Alfred Benjamin I could find was a German communist activist (b. 1911-d.1942)