Journal of Sacred Work

Love’s One Line: We must always be tough-minded and tender-hearted at the same time.   – Martin Luther King, Jr.

   One of the most common mistakes people make in interpreting loving care is the notion that it’s only about kindness and compassion. Some executives (usually my fellow males, I’m sorry to say) try to demean the work of Radical Loving Care by barking: "Oh, is this some of that touchy-feely stuff?"

   This ridiculous phrase demonstrates a deep misunderstanding of the nature of love. Loving care requires a combination of discipline, competence and courage balanced with caring and compassion. The most loving thing a physical therapist may need to do is to compel a stiff-jointed patient to move – even when that movement will cause short term pain. A good counselor, to be effective, may need to push his client to confront his or her worst fears in order to gain healing. A leader may need to remove a supervisor that is engaging in bullying behavior.

   Yet people will still say to me: How can we be loving in the middle of laying people off? …

   There’s a simple answer to this question. Layoffs can be handled with respect, compassion and caring. In fact, it’s during the hard times when love is needed the most. It’s easy to be loving toward nice patients. It’s hard to be loving toward rude ones. It’s easy to generous when there’s plenty of money in the budget. It’s harder to be generous when money is tight.

   Martin Luther King, Jr. led a mission grounded in love. To lead this mission required that he awaken in the hearts of all American a sense of compassion toward mistreatment of minorities. To carry forward his mission required the tough discipline and hard courage of asking his followers to face fire hoses, abuse, and imprisonment to accomplish loving objectives. Non-violence became a profile of loving behavior – a classic example of turning the other check.

   Touchy-feely? Hardly. Courageous men and women know that loving care is not for the faint of heart. It requires deep commitment and a profound belief in the power of our humanity to heal the pain of others.

   Next time you hear anyone grumble about loving care as "touchy-feely" ask them one question: How would they like their mother to be treated if she needs hospitalization, or needs to go to a nursing home, or has been raped, or is terminally ill in a hospice. The phrase tough-minded, tender-hearted takes on new meaning when it is you, or your loved one that needs healing from strangers.

REFLECTION: What does it mean to you to be simultaneously tough-minded and tender-hearted in your life work. When does love require tough-minded and disciplined thinking?