Journal of Sacred Work

If we lose cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down. If you are traveling with a small child or someone else who needs assistance, put the mask on yourself first so that you will be able to help the other person.  – FAA required announcement on all airline flights.

   The first time I paid attention to this announcement was more than thirty years ago. I was traveling with my then six-week-old son. The announcement startled me because I had been thinking that I would certainly put the mask on our baby first, not on myself.
   Caregivers need this same reminder. In the course of our dedication, we may forget to put the mask of self care on ourselves so that we will have the strength and energy to help others. We need oxygen before we can give it. We need to love ourselves before we can love others.

    The image (left) includes the Chinese letters for tranquility. I borrowed it from an ad for a bed and breakfast that invites you to come to their place to find the serenity you may not be feeling in your everyday life. True serentiy, however, will never come from a place outside us. As caregivers, we need first to find this serenity within us so that we may bring it to both ourselves and to others…

   The greatest wisdom around daily self care is contained in one of the best and most helpful prayers ever written. Most of us know this as the Serenity Prayer, composed by the late Reinhold Niebuhr. It is an integral part of most addiction recovery programs. Yet we need to integrate its wisdom into all of our lives. Here it is again:   

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
     the courage to change the things I can
     and the wisdom to know the difference.

   It’s a short prayer, easy to memorize, hard to live. One of the wisest and most important things you can do today is to memorize this prayer and to incorporate it into your daily meditation.

   We may reflect on this prayer by considering its three elements.

1) Serenity. It seems obvious that we should not bother about things beyond our control. Yet how many of
the things we worry about each day are in this category? The major faiths offer serenity through surrendering to God, to submitting  to the grace and love this power represents. Surrender may be symbolized in physical actions. Moslems lean forward toward the east on hands and knees five times a day to symbolize submission to God. Jews and Christians bow their heads in prayer. Buddhists close their eyes. Submission is difficult because it means letting go – surrendering our will to God’s – and then letting come. This requires both remembering and practicing. Most of us identify serenity more easily through an image like the Hadon painting (at left) that hangs in our offices in Nashville. What could offer more peace than relaxing into a hammock on a nice day?

Fortunately, we don’t need a hammock to find serenity. We can find it within ourselves in the world that lives behind our closed eyes. After a time of rest and self care, we carry the aroma of our renewed grace throughout the rest of the day, allowing its fragrance to inform some part of the world’s heart.

2) Courage. The second part of the prayer is Love’s call to us to find courage.  Specifically, Love calls us to use this courage to change the things we can. What are these things?  The first has to do with our own attitude. Love calls us to see ourselves as children of God, to see all others in the same light, and to open our hearts to serving Love by serving others. What can I change with the mere power of my humanity? I can teach myself to be an instrument of Love. This means allowing myself to be used by Love to change the condition of another – to help another to heal. As every caregiver knows, this takes courage, the courage to surrender to Love’s call and the courage to act.

3) Wisdom. The wisdom called for in the last part of the prayer is the insight to know the difference between what I can change and what I cannot. Every day, millions of us waste energy fretting about things beyond our control. We worry about everything from the weather to the behavior of other people over whom we have no influence at all. Indeed, enormous amounts of human stress flow from the desire of many of us to try to change other people. It’s difficult enough to change ourselves much less trying to re-mold the personalities of others.

   In any case, the two best ways to bring the kind of awakening that will change others for the better have nothing to do with control. The two best ways are contained in advice I got from the late minister Waldemar Argow. When our son was young, I asked him about parenting. He said, "I can summarize all of my parenting advice in one word: example."

   A few years later, I learned the second key. It’s also contained in a single word: Presence.

   I offer these gifts to you today. Notice the example you are setting for others as well as yourself. And practice full presence to others.

   These gifts are best unwrapped by integrating the Serenity Prayer into our lives. The more often we reflect on this three-part prayer, the more illumination will enter our lives. Gradually, the prayer will mirror back to us thought patterns that are wasting our energy and reflect positive patterns that are energizing. In serenity, we are in touch with Love and think more clearly. Through this resonance between us and our mirror, the prayer helps us align with the energy of courage. We may enter the land of wisdom that shows us when to let go, allowing the best energy of ourselves change the things we can!

   Take care of yourself. Breathe in Love’s oxygen. You are a child of God.