Journal of Sacred Work

Caregivers have superpowers! Radical Loving Care illuminates the divine truth that caregiving is not just a job. It is Sacred Work.

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   Those who are present to nature know that seasonal change is gradual, happening over many days. Yet there is a pivot point on the calendar. September 22 is the date when day and night are equalWine_moon.     Fall, as the
gateway to winter, is a celebratory time for some and more difficult for others who fear the cold. If you can make out the moon tonight, you may celebrate it as the Wine Moon since this is the time of year when grapes are harvested.    Wine Moon. The phrase has a pretty sound to me. And the word images we use have so much to do with how we feel about seasonal change.
   For many years, starting at age twelve (my age when my family moved from southern California to northern Ohio) I disliked fall. I even came to dislike the word "crisp" because it was always the word my dad used to describe the first cool day. To me, the word was simply a reminder to me of warm California days that were no more. After some hard winters on the edge of Lake Erie, fall began to feel to me like a death sentence. In fact, something had died. I didn’t know what that was at the time. But it was my childhood…

   I liked being a teenager. But it was hard to
surrender childhood and even harder to recognize I could never really
return to California’s near continuous diet of fair weather.
   The main reason I’ve been drawn, recently, to the power of the Serenity Prayer is that I realize how many seasons I’ve wasted repeating useless patterns of regret and resentment over things I can’t change. I lost Autumn_creek_bend
the enjoyment of the stunning beauty of so many northern autumns because I allowed myself to be weighed down with mourning that I was in Ohio and not California. How foolish of me. No one ever helped me come to terms with my grieving and I never lived the solution myself until recently.
   Once I truly began to absorb the wisdom of the Serenity Prayer, I began to wonder why so many of us allow our moods to be controlled by the weather outside instead of the light within. "Oh no, it’s cloudy again," one nurse will report glumly to another. Hours later, she still looks glum, the clouds outside hanging over her head like a leaden cloak. Next day, it’s sunny and she’s smiling, her face a remarkable barometer.
   "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change." If there was ever something that can’t be changed, it’s the weather of the moment. Does this mean we should all go around celebrating cloudy days? Perhaps it means that we accept dark weather with grace and focus our energy on the joy of living and on changing the things we can change.
   Today, night and day are equal. The Autumnal Equinox is a chance to meditate on balance. Many Japanese celebrate this day as a time to visit the graves of the dead – to honor the gifts and the light of those who have left this earth. In this celebration, they embrace loss with serenity.
   Can the wisdom of the Serenity Prayer bring us a new season of joy?  Can we find a better balance between work and rest?
   Many caregivers, beset with worries about those in need, actually fear resting. Yet rest, reflection and meditation are critical to balance and to good caregiving. As Wayne Mueller writes, service to others is challenging work, but it need not be "a painful and dreary thing." If it’s beginning to seem dreary, it means things are out of balance.
   Today, I invite you to celebrate this pivot point in seasonal change. When you breathe in the early Solstice_woman
taste of fall, you may smell the aroma of change. You may even decide, as have I, that each season’s arrival is a time for celebrating life as it comes and goes. After all, the seasons will change whether we like it or not. So we have the choice to embrace the change with joy or to fuss about something outside our control.
   I still miss California, but that small ache doesn’t stop me from loving autumn in Tennessee, the state where my wife and I have lived since 1998.
   Along the Sonoma and Napa Valleys, the grapes are ready for harvest. Here, shades of gold and red emerge in leaves once dressed only in green.
   Tonight I’m going to stare up into the Nashville sky and celebrate the Wine Moon even if clouds block my view. All of life waits to be lived, not in fear but in love.

-Erie Chapman

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4 responses to “Autumnal Equinox”

  1. Karen York Avatar
    Karen York

    I also grew up in California, yet autumn has always been my favorite time of year. Even there you could sense a change in the air. Now in Tennessee, I find it the most stunning of all seasons and I pray every year that we’ve had the right mix of rain, warm days and cool nights to display the most vibrant colors. Today is a blustery day here, full of the energy of change as the wind sweeps under skirts and dishevels the hair on your head. Embrace the day, embrace the season, embrace life, embrace love.
    Karen

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  2. Kathy Parolini Avatar

    Nicely Done. I enjoyed this greatly.

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  3. Sharon Powell, R.N. Avatar
    Sharon Powell, R.N.

    This is a beautiful meditation. I love the photos as well and I really like the way you write. I also am a fan of the Serenity Prayer and have found it to be a great comfort.

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  4. liz Wessel RN, MS SJHS Home Health Network, Orange, CA Avatar
    liz Wessel RN, MS SJHS Home Health Network, Orange, CA

    I gratefully receive your beautiful meditation on this precious day, as I share my story. I grew up in a neighborhood where everyone knew your name and I was one of 6 children. I moved from N.Y.C to Vermont (age 15) which was traumatic for me as 4 of my older siblings did not come.
    At age 19 my parents moved us to CA, my dad did not find work so they returned to Vermont. I stayed in CA to attend college. While in nursing school, a family friend, Ernest, called to ask if I would live with them and care for his wife who was dying of cancer. I agreed, hung up the phone and cried, as I had just moved in with a group of nursing students and I was looking forward to fun college days with girlfriends. Kubler-Ross became my mentor as I read her books and learned how to care for Margie as friend, caregiver, and daughter, until her untimely death at age 42.
    I graduated nursing school (age 22) and went home for summer. My best friend Sue (N.Y.) was getting married and I was to be her maid of honor… when the call came that day. My oldest brother Philip was killed in a car accident. I decided to participate in the wedding which was very strange and surrealistic. Next day, I was back in Vermont for my brother’s wake and funeral. After the funeral, in confusion and turmoil, I left for CA. Following day, I began my first nursing job at St. Joseph Hospital on the oncology unit. It was a very lonely time being so far away from my family and not knowing how to express my grief. I immersed myself in caregiving tending to the needs of those suffering. My woundedness cultivated a caring heart. When I look back, I sometimes wonder how I survived. Truth is I did not know how to grieve. My patients and families taught me.
    I have a hard time letting go and surrendering to life. This is the lesson before me now. Nature is a very good teacher as I try to make sense of my life. Perhaps I can begin with each out breath, and celebrate the joy of being alive, releasing the past, ceasing to worry about future, accepting the ever changing, and discovering how to live in love. One motto has helped me to stop second guessing my life choices …”grow where you are planted.”
    May we all gaze at the wine moon tonight and bless each other’s journey as we send out our love!

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