Journal of Sacred Work

Caregivers have superpowers! Radical Loving Care illuminates the divine truth that caregiving is not just a job. It is Sacred Work.

About

Former President & CEO of multiple hospital systems and founding president & CEO of 20-hospital OhioHealth, best selling author, film artist, ordained minister, composer, published poet, syndicated T.V. host, trial attorney, federal prosecutor and Municipal Court Judge. Erie is internationally known as the founder of the Radical Loving Care(R)movement. He also heads Erie Chapman Foundation, Dane Dakota Productions, LLC, and Chapman Health International, Inc.

About

Human Closeness

October 20, 2006

In human closeness there is a secret 
edge...
Anna Akhmatova (1889-1966)

   The complex caregiver/patient 
encounter has so many facets. The more 
acute the patient's need, the greater  
the opportunity for the encounter to be meaningful. 
   Opening our hearts in patient & client encounters
means that the caregiver will feel some of the pain  
of the patient. There is a cost in this. But there is  
also a cost if we close the door to our soul...

The right emotional distance for caregivers is a continuing challenge to those who remain awake and sensitive to their calling. The "secret edge" of closeness can feel dangerous. Yet, as Henri Nouwen has written so eloquently, "Those who do not run away from our pains but touch them with compassion bring healing and new strength."
When caregivers retreat from a heartful openness to those in need they exchange one kind of pain for another. They may save themselves from tears, but they risk becoming unfeeling automatons.
Still, the natural inclination of so many caregivers is to run for the hills when, for example, a patient dies. "Don’t get too close to your patients," some hardened veteran will warn.

Is it possible to get too close? Of course. But the greater risk is distance. Clinical distance, a phrase often used in professional training, is often mistakenly interpreted by caregivers as a kind of cold detachment, an arrogance that casts the caregiver as a powerful monarch ruling the fate of the patient.
This is the syndrome that can birth the so-called "God-complex" in which caregivers, particularly doctors, accept a sort of deification from those who seem to idolize their performances – as if it was the doctor’s skill alone that was responsible for a patient’s recovery.
Humility calls caregivers to appreciate that every successful healing experience and every sacred encounter is a partnership of many people and many forces. That the key to great caregiving is the practice of Radical Loving Care.
May we all extend our deepest admiration to the men and women who find the courage and strength each day to share the pain of the people they treat.

The Burning House

Wanting to alleviate pain without sharing it is like wanting to save a child from a burning house without the risk of being hurt. – Henri Nouwen

Without warning,
they die, abandoning you as if to insult your
skill, your commitment, your caring
& everything you did to heal. As if to mock how close

you came to their heart. They
left you feeling that you could
be their bridge to life, their hope, their salvation
and you arrive at work to hear, "She died this

morning at 5:04 a.m." You know that you were sleeping
then, dreaming that your heroic efforts would extend
the thread of her time, and she, to whom you gave your
heart, is gone.

How hard to love, to give, to live knowing that
your heart must give & bear this burning blow,
this crimson slashing, this secret edge.
Will there be healing,

new strength?

-Erie Chapman
www.healinghospital.org

Posted in Meditations

5 responses to “Human Closeness”

Carol Elkins, R.N.

October 20, 2006

First, thank you for you poem. It is beautiful and sad and wonderful. I think every nurse needs to have some boundaries of protection in order to function effectively. I have cried with many family members when a patient has passed and sometimes I feel like I’m getting too close. But on days when I’ve removed myself too far from patients, the work starts feeling stale. I think it’s a daily process of adjustment but I think I know what is meant by that “secret edge.” It’s the one that tells you you’re really trying to be a loving caregiver.

LikeLike

Reply
Karen York

October 20, 2006

The pain heals easier when we know we provided loving care when we had the opportunity to be open and present with those in need. The lingering blows are often a result of looking back with regret that we didn’t act in the way we knew we should.
Karen

LikeLike

Reply
Lucy Westwood

October 20, 2006

As far as I’m concerned, the only way you can give good nursing care is with an open heart. Sure it hurts sometimes. That’s why it takes courage to be a caregiver as well as training and brains. As your great poem says at the end, there will be healing.

LikeLike

Reply
liz Wessel RN, MS SJHS Home Health Network, Orange, CA

October 20, 2006

When we share in another’s pain, we also touch our own pain, and when we are present to a person and family in the dying, we touch our own mortality, personal losses, and fears, so this is a vulnerable and scary space. Frequently caregivers are ill prepared to cope with these deep emotions and may instead focus on the technical tasks at hand and avoid meaningful communication. Or intuitive caregivers may find courage to hold a suffering person’s hand and remain present. Fortunately, educators have recognized gaps and incorporated end of life education into college curriculum. A most helpful competency in the art of communication is to learn how to BE present with a hurting person rather than reacting to their pain by DOING. In reality, we do not have the power to fix another’s feelings but as you say through interdependence we can contribute positively to another’s healing. When we don’t run but enter into sacred space to offer a genuine caring attitude, this shines through to the patient and the healing spirit of love begins to flow naturally.
As leaders, we need to find ways to help caregivers express their grief and put some closure on the pain of loss before “just moving on” to the next, and the next, and the next situation. Caregivers are at risk for burnout when grief is left unresolved. This is a challenge because caregivers are often the least likely ones to take time for self-care. One small but powerful outlet is to provide opportunities for caregivers to share their stories either verbally or in written word.
May we honor and appreciate caregivers by ensuring they receive the education and support needed to carry out this sacred work. May caregivers “Be still and know…” and allow peace to fill their hearts.

LikeLike

Reply
David Dunn, M.D.

October 21, 2006

For doctors, we teach that the right emotional distance is more a function of intuition than analysis. Many students are confused about this and we believe this is because most of the rest of what doctors are taught has a scientific component. Our goal is to educate the heart as well as the mind. It is the heart that determines emotional proximity not the head. And it is the heart that discovers the presence of the beautiful phrase you quoted – the “secret edge.”

LikeLike

Reply