Journal of Sacred Work

Lovers don’t love because of the thanks they may get. Thanks are too rare to love just for them.  – Erie Chapman   

    Among the Christmas cards we were fortunate to receive this year, one stood out for me. The card was common enough – a lovely photograph of a couple and their young children above a bright red Christmas ornament wishing a Merry Christmas.
   The message inside was a surprise.
   In a forty year career, I’ve been fortunate enough to help people out of trouble as a lawyer, help send them to jail as a prosecutor, sentence people as a judge, marry couples as a stand-in minister, hire and fire people as a hospital CEO (& being hired & fired myself,) approve pay increases & cutbacks, sales & mergers, missions & visions. As a television and radio host for eight years, I spoke to people I couldn’t see. As a writer, I send books and essays out into the world and only hear from a fraction of the readers. But this essay is not about my career, it’s about the ripple effect each of us has on so many others beyond our knowing. And it’s about that letter (see inset above) as a symbol of all thank you notes – the ones sent and the ones unsent…   

   Because of the large size of the organizations I’ve been privileged to
lead, I’ve come into contact with thousands upon thousands of people – fellow
employees, doctors, patients, visitors. Although lovers don’t love to get
thanks we all like to know that our lives may make a
difference. And sometimes, we’re lucky enough to have someone tell us
how it did. Some may believe we’ve harmed their lives,
some think we’ve helped, most for whom we’ve made a difference never
say either way. And then, here comes this note beneath the Christmas
card:
   "Dear Erie…I wanted to let you know what a terriffic year this turned out to be because of what I attribute to you…"
   Wow. I’ve gotten lots of very kind notes from folks, but I hadn’t from or seen Andrew in years. I checked the picture again, wondering if perhaps my friend had won the lottery. What had I ever done for this young man? When I met him, he was a first line partner in the videography department at Nashville’s Baptist Hospital. I always liked him and tried to be supportive to him – but there were over four thousand employees and doctors at Baptist. I had tried to be encouraging and supportive to as many of them as I could.
   "In the winter of 2006 I accepted an offer to be a systems administrator – a role I thought could only be fictional for me," the note continued, along with the news that he would have significant new responsibilities as a leader in the large company he now served. For him, the success he had prayed for had come his way.
   Yes, it was true years ago I facilitated Andrew’s desire to leave the media department and become an information technologist with the hospital. Frankly, he was such a great cameraman that I hated to lose him from that area.*  But Andrew wanted to work in I.T. and I’ve always believed, like you, in encouraging people to live their passion.
   Andrew’s note ended with this thoughtful sentence: "I know for a fact my career would not be where it is today withou your tremendous generosity. Thank you for your gifts."
   As I’ve already suggested, the most striking thing about this note was the startling source. Andrew is a very quiet person, one of those individuals who give you few clues about what they’re thinking. After years, he took the trouble to share his joy – and his gratitude – with me. Of course, he is the one who has created the opportunities for himself and his family through integrity and hard work. And he is a person who follows a key loving care principle – he lives in gratitude.
   As a caregiver, you must have hundreds of "Andrews" in your life – people who would love to thank you and have you know how grateful they are for what you’ve done – but may not have taken the time Andrew did to write a note. Or perhaps your gifts to others have been largely anonymous. Perhaps you were kind to an unconscious patient, to a tiny baby, to a man unable to speak because of a stroke, to a patient who died the next day.
   Maybe you opened the window to hope for a woman who thought her life was no longer worth living or touched the arm of a saddened stranger just when they needed your love.

  Lovers don’t love because of the thanks they may get. If we did, we’d live in bitterness and disappointment because, for caregivers, thanks are all too rare. Still, it’s a nice surprise when a note of appreciation comes floating into your life as unexpected as a butterfly in winter.

   Thank YOU, Andrew.

Today’s Loving Care Practice: Before the day is over, identify one person who has made a difference in your life. Communicate with them however you choose – by letter, email, telephone or, best of all, in person. Be clear about the single goal of you communication: It is to express your thanks to that person for the differnce they have made in your life.
I hope some of you will share your experience with the rest of us. Thank you

-Erie Chapman

*If you’ve seen our documentary, Sacred Work, you might want to
know that Andrew was the cameraman who filmed the birth of the triplets
as well as the videographer who captured the poignant cries of the
patient in the ICU. A highly acclaimed and now widely used film, Sacred Work is available through www.healinghospital.org or at www.amazon.com