Journal of Sacred Work

One of the strongest needs of the soul is for community…  Care of the Soul, -Thomas More

   For culture to  change, the content of our discussions must change. Hospitals and charities are flooded with meetings. This is especially true for leaders. What is the content of our meetings? Too many organizations perceive change as coming through a barrage of new programs aimed at surface behavior change.  For these organizations, the challenge of creating a loving culture is often confusing.
   Leaders of hospitals and charities, in a well meaning effort to advance compassion, are forever asking what they are supposed to do. But the bigger change must come through an alteration in thinking….   

   Of course, there are many actions that can be taken and systems that can be redesigned. But the bigger change must come through a change in attitudes.
   One of the best ways to understand this is to imagine that you want to
create a more loving culture in your family. In spite of what the
television screen may say, a loving family culture is not built through
buying a new house, a new car, or a pearl necklace.

   Similarly, hospitals and charities don’t become loving because everyone gets a pay raise. Money is relevant to lifestyle, but, assuming basic needs are met, money has very little to do with loving culture.
   A central tenet of loving culture is that leaders must take care of the people that take care of people. This doesn’t mean paternalism. It means respect, support, a sense of fun, firmness and compassion.
   To raise loving children, we must model love as parents. To establish a healing hospital or charity, we need to be examples of love.
   To raise loving children, we must be present to our children and show them respect. To create a loving culture of charity, we must be present to each other and show each other respect.   
   One of the best places families learn love is around the dinner table. This is not only an occasion for eating, it is an opportunity for families to feed each other’s souls. Fun, sharing, and caring happen in the family circle.
The Power of Circles:   Similarly, one of the best ways to plant a culture of loving care with a team is for the team to use meeting times for sharing each other’s stories. In sharing our lives with team members, we practice the art of caregiving – including listening.
   In spite of the obvious wisdom of all of this, I draw lots of blank stares when I campaign for these practices across the country. Amazed CEOs (usually males) will say to me: "You mean we change culture by sitting in groups and talking?" The answer to that is yes. But my assurance that this works is often not enough to alter behavior because reluctant leaders have not yet experienced the kind of change of heart necessary to change culture.
   In organizations where meetings are already resented, the idea of what looks like a meeting to "talk about nothing" seems like nonsense. Instead, organizations will busy themselves with flavor-of- the-month programs aimed at changing surface behaviors. Of course, any change from efforts like this is only temporary.

  Loving care is about relationships. That is why story-sharing meetings are so invaluable.
The Practice: In case you are wondering how to start something like this, you’ll be pleased to know it’s easy. It starts with one question answered by each person as the question travels around the circle. Here is an example question: How do you give loving care? This question is as important for leaders as it is for other caregivers.
   Try this question and you will be pleased by the conversation in the group. You will have changed the content of the discussion.
   Here are a few more questions for future meetings:

1) From whom did you learn love?
2) What is the kindest thing you’ve done today?
3) What is the most important thing you’ve done today?
4) Name one thing for which you are grateful and why.
5) What are you most worried about?
6) What are you doing to take care of yourself?
7) How do you take care of others?

   Just one of these questions can occupy an entire circle meeting of ten people for one hour. We learn best by teaching each other. Story Circles allow this kind of teaching. An initial, year-long effort that engages the group in discussions like these will change each member of the group. Thinking will change and that’s what changes behavior – especially when each meeting begins with the story of the past week.
   The ideal format for such meetings is simple: 1) Opening question posed by the facilitator of the week, 2) three minutes of silent meditation, 3) around the circle check-in and discussion of the question.   
   Of course, the big risk is that most leaders will do what they have
been doing for decades – ignore this approach in favor of floods of
busywork programs that change nothing!
   Group sessions that engage the kinds of questions listed above focus attention (and therefore energy) on the nature of loving care. As staff hear each other discussing these things, they discover something remarkable – the organization is focusing on caregiving.
   Every time a discussion like this takes place, caregiving advances. The change doesn’t happen in a few weeks anymore than a family becomes loving after a few dinners together. But gradually, the use of story-circles, together with the other changes described in my book, Sacred Work, are certain to create cultures of loving care that will bloom and grow.
   The change starts with each of us. What will you do to initiate story-circles in your organization?   

-Erie Chapman