Journal of Sacred Work

   Sometimes I tell audiences I’ve got an embarrasing topic to raise. The topic will probably make them blush and wonder if they are in the right place. Here is the topic: Love. Of course, they expect me to talk about loving care, not about romance. And that is what I address.  But, sometimes I’m told by the leaders of some organizations that they are uncomfortable using the "love-word" in their work. It makes one wonder about the attitude caregivers have toward love and how that perception informs our work.

  In the Western world, it’s hard not to think about romance when we think about love. Yet, I am invited to speak about loving care, not romance. Romantic love is exemplified in two of the greatest films of all time. The first is Casablanca. If you are from planet earth, you know the final scene in this classic. I pulled it from the world of youtube for you to watch. Click on this link too see it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa-dGYjSq5k&mode=related&search=…

   The other sequence is from what some still believe is the greatest movie ever made, Gone With The Wind. The only good clip I could find is a minute and a half trailer promoting the film as "The Most Eagerly Awaited Motion Picture in the History of Modern Entertainment." The music alone is enough to awaken poignant feelings. Since the film debuted in 1939, the clip must have come out early in that year when people watched romance in American theaters not knowing of the World War yet to come. Instead, they could dream of Rhett and Scarlet and Ashley. To watch the clip, click on these underlined words: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49dQ0PxkVu0.

   Whether or not your computer will allow you to play the clip, you know the story. Rhett pursues Scarlett who pursues Ashley, the noble soldier played by Leslie Howard. Does this triangle remind you of Casablanca, of Ric pursuing Ilsa who in turn believes she must devote her life to the idealist freedom fighter, Victor Laslo? Does it also remind you of the trinangle in Doctor Zhivago and a thousand other films?

   The love triangle is a staple of romance as old as David and Bathsheba and Uriah. Love is a duet. Romance in drama is often a tragic triangle.

   In a caregiver”s life, the third member of the triangle may not be another person. It may be the calling of patient care.

   Women love men who in turn may also love their work. Men love women who in turn are may also be in love with their calling as well. We end up sharing our loved ones with the work to which they are committed. We marry and discover that our spouse has a second interest – their job.

   In the romantic stage of courtship, we may envision that our spouse would occupy all of our attention. Then comes work and there may also be children. Our attention is divided and subdivided.

   Caregiving is a demanding calling. It often pulls us from the person we love into work, that, hopefully, we also love. The pull may become so dramatic that the tragedy of divorce splits lives.

   Love calls us to respond to the needs of others. Clearly, this does not mean we must sacrifice our marriages. Yet, many caregivers end up single because of the stresses of work. There is no need for this. With work and careful attention, we can sustain the balance that a loving life requires.

   Reflect, today, on the one you love and on the work you love. Ask yourself the question about balance. Know that you can commit your life to that person while still fulfilling the calling that caregiving needs. Indeed, unless you are a Mother Theresa, you may be more likely to be a fine caregiver if you also have someone else in your life with whom you share your love. In all cases, love asks that you think of the other.

   As Bogart says to Bergman about Victor Laslo in Casablanca, "You’re part of his work, part of what keeps him going." And that is what our loved ones are to us. We love them because they are part of what makes our life worth living.

   When Ric tells Ilsa in Casablanca, "We’ll always have Paris," it triggers in us all of our romantic recollections. And it tells us, as well, that as our romantic love matures, we may discover that we can cherish the one we love and simultaneously live a different kind of love for those we care for in our work.

-Erie Chapman