Journal of Sacred Work

Caregivers have superpowers! Radical Loving Care illuminates the divine truth that caregiving is not just a job. It is Sacred Work.

About

[Note: Today’s meditation was authored by Catherine Self, Sr. Vice President of the Baptist HealingLoveyourpatientsTrust.]

Dr. Scott Diering is an emergency medicine physician
currently living and working in Maryland. He is a husband and father and author of the book Love Your Patients! In his book, Dr. Diering describes how you know
when you have “arrived” as a loving caregiver – “You are a truly loving
caregiver…when you defend your patients from criticisms of other caregivers.
You have arrived when you give your patients the benefit of the doubt.   
   Dr. Diering’s words cause me to reflect on how often I give
others the benefit of the doubt, whether a patient, a physician, a co-worker, a
family member or even a stranger.,,

   According to the Cambridge International Dictionary of
Idioms (Cambridge University Press 1998), to give someone the benefit of the
doubt means to believe something good about someone, rather than something bad,
when you have the possibility of doing either.   
   Yet doubt, as many of us have lived with it for so long, screams
a persistent whisper – unless I can see
it with my own eyes, hear with it my own ears, or touch it with my own hands, I
will not believe.
First prove to me your goodness, and then I will treat
you well. Prove to me your "lovability" and then I will love you in return. Prove
to me your worthiness and then I will enter into your pain and sit with you
there.
   I’ve heard it said that doubt can never really be satisfied,
no evidence is ever fully, completely enough. Cynical doubt demands evidence
but then rejects the proof that is offered. That is the shadow side of doubt.
The benefit of doubt calls us to the side of seeking truth, to find that for
which we can give over all of ourselves – to choose to believe the good, to see
other as I see myself, with all of our shared broken places, wounds, and needs.
   Long ago, a man named Thomas lived a moment of doubt. In the
midst of his doubt Thomas was directed to touch the wound, to see with his
hands, to believe. We have that same opportunity every day – to touch the
wounds of those we serve, to see with our hands the needs of our co-workers and
leaders, to believe the good because we have the choice to do so in every
encounter.
   Would living such a choice make a difference in our
everyday? I will treat you well, whether you prove to me your goodness or not.
I will love you, whether you are ever able to present yourself as lovable. I
will enter into your pain and sit with you there, because you are worthy.
   Today I choose to let go of first impressions – to look past
the face and peer into the heart. I will choose to seek the truth of your
humanity, to see you with the eyes of Love.
   I am so grateful for Dr. Diering’s thoughts and beliefs
about loving care. He and his organization (see http://www.loveyourpatients.org)
are making important contributions to the transformation of healthcare in America. I am
most of all grateful for the loving care you seek to bring each and every day
to those you serve. And about that, I have no doubt.

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4 responses to “The Benefit of the Doubt”

  1. Karen York Avatar
    Karen York

    Cathy,
    Thank you for this powerful reminder of looking deeper than the surface. The words, “First prove to me your goodness, and then I will treat you well. Prove to me your “lovability” and then I will love you in return. Prove to me your worthiness and then I will enter into your pain and sit with you there” really stand out for me. Thanks for sharing your heart and soul with us in your writings and through your work at the Trust.
    Karen

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  2. liz Wessel Avatar
    liz Wessel

    “To believe the good because we have the choice” is instruction worthy of thoughtful reflection. I ponder, how often do I doubt myself and not allow the benefit of compassion?
    As if a fault in my character, others have often said to me, “Oh, you always see the good in everyone.” Usually, I can see the person as more than the conflict at hand. I can see beyond the anger, pain, or fear to goodness. I try in live in awareness of the spiritual truth, that whatever I do to another, I really do to myself. In situations when I am challenged, someone else is there to show me what I can’t see. Close within are the words of a young Anne Frank who whispers, “In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.”
    Catherine, I thank you for this opportunity for reflection and for the beautiful message shared in today’s meditation.
    ~liz

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  3. Diana Gallaher Avatar
    Diana Gallaher

    Thank you for this lovely meditation and the comments that follow. You each help me to be mindful of how to love the person in front of me at any given moment.

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  4. Jan Keeling Avatar
    Jan Keeling

    Thank you, Catherine. I would like to be able to make this choice, to believe the good, as often as I can. This meditation helps.

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