We’ve made a great mess of love
Since we made an ideal of it.
-D.H. Lawrence.
There’s nothing like destroying wonderful things by idealizing them. As Plato observed twenty-five hundred years ago, the ideal exists only in the mind. The material world generates only imperfect copies of what is in our heads. My little granddaughter is probably closer to God’s Love and joy than are we because she has, eight weeks into this world, not yet learned pretense and deception.
If, as St. John said, God is Love, then how can the Love that flows through humans ever successfully imitate God? As perfect as some caregivers seem to me, they are all burdened (and blessed) with their own humanity…
When we develop an over-perfect notion of Love, than we set ourselves up as judges to determine how
close or how far we or others come to meeting the standard. This is a cause of great sadness among the sensitive minority among us. As long as we think those who love us will do so unconditionally, we are bound to experience heartbreak.
The good news arrives when we recognize that no human is capable of such perfect love. We do the best we can. But, God’s Love is flowing through imperfect vessels; vessels that contain the natural taint of ego.
I have never liked the sound of preachers who condemn humans as sinners. Condemnation is the harshest form of judgment. Condemnation can cause caregivers to look with scorn on alcoholics, the obese and the drug-addicted. It can even cause condescension toward the mentally ill. 
As Lawrence also wrote, "[Once] the ego takes possession of it (love),/ It is not love anymore, it is a mess."
Love, remarkably, does not discriminate. She opens her arms to embrace the most unlovable-seeming among us as warmly as she does laughing babies. Her stream of kindness extends even to those of us who idealize her and search for her where she cannot be found.
One of the reasons I so strongly encourage caregivers to engage the arts is because Love speaks to us through music and painting more eloquently than it may through everyday words. When it speaks to us in this way, we may more easily see Love in our everyday lives. An example of beauty may be seen in the lovely watercolor, above left, done by caregiver Liz Wessel. What is it? Some may ask. Others are satisfied simply to enjoy light, bright color, shape, and the message of Love.
-Erie Chapman
Journal of Sacred Work 
Leave a comment