There’s a concept psychologists and organizational analysts have understood for a long time that can help all of us. It’s the idea that when we become angry or exceptionally emotional, our cognitive abilities are altered. In other words, our usual reasoning skills may "shut down."
I’m told that the folks from a place called the Arbinger Institute call this phenomenon "being in the box." When we get angry in an exchange with someone, we become wrapped in the box. The box is perhaps like a hall of mirrors. Our view looking out of the box becomes distorted. While in the box, we see everything through the lens of our anger. We may become excessively defensive, take everything personally, and respond with vicious attacks in an effort to defend ourselves….
I learned about this idea many years ago. The sad thing, as I alluded to in yesterday’s essay, is that the concept works best when one is not in the box. In moments of reflection, it’s easy for us to rationally analyze our actions. By definition, when we’re angry, the box we fall into seems to prevent us from seeing clearly. Box behavior is very primitive and, in most of us, quite powerful. 
When I was a federal prosecutor, defense attorneys called extreme versions of this behavior "temporary insanity." Although the laws vary state-to-state on the viability of this defense, it’s basically a true statement. Many people who kill and do other vicious things are acting way out of character. Their sense of reality has, for a time, become so distorted that they seem unable to control their behavior.
Here is how NOT to use the box concept: Next time you see someone who is angry, explain the idea and then tell them they are in the "box." If you do this, you’d better run for cover because you’re likely to get a hot blast of anger. I’ve already made this mistake twice in just the past six months!
None of us like to be told by someone else that we’re too angry. It makes us feel like children and aggravates the anger.
What to do? Wisdom suggests that awareness of this concept can be very helpful in team dynamics. If everyone understands the notion, then angry disputes among staff may be more rapidly resolved. I have found it so much easier to forgive others their anger since I’ve learned more about this. I hope those near to me have learned the same thing!
Caregivers can benefit from this in big ways since so many patients and family members fall into the box when entering hospitals or other caregiving facilities. Once we understand the box, we see that sudden anger is typically an expression of personal fear, not innate hostility.
Give this concept a try and let us know if it is helpful.
-Erie Chapman
Journal of Sacred Work 
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