Journal of Sacred Work

Caregivers have superpowers! Radical Loving Care illuminates the divine truth that caregiving is not just a job. It is Sacred Work.

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Former President & CEO of multiple hospital systems and founding president & CEO of 20-hospital OhioHealth, best selling author, film artist, ordained minister, composer, published poet, syndicated T.V. host, trial attorney, federal prosecutor and Municipal Court Judge. Erie is internationally known as the founder of the Radical Loving Care(R)movement. He also heads Erie Chapman Foundation, Dane Dakota Productions, LLC, and Chapman Health International, Inc.

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Day 84 – Skin Deep

March 24, 2008

The vote is the most powerful instrument ever devised by man for…destroying the terrible walls which imprison men because they are different from other men. – President Lyndon Johnson

We all want to think that we make key decisions based on Love. If this is so, why do the polls on voter’s preferences in the presidential race reflect otherwise?
News surveys are clear. The white female in this year’s race wins women’s votes. The mixed-race male candidate (perhaps we are all "mixed-race" and of the same soul) wins minority votes. The white male wins white male voters.
Obviously, there are many exceptions (including me.) But, why are so many of our choices based on data that go only skin deep? Why do so many find comfort with people who look generally like us and feel discomfort with those who don’t? It’s a challenge every caregiver must face…

If we are healthy, do we automatically feel a kinship with other
healthy people and a sense of superiority over those who are sick? If a nurse is Asian-American, does she feel any hidden disdain toward a patient that is European-American? I say "hidden" because people always deny bias when asked. In seven years as an active trial attorney I knew that any prospective juror questioned on voir dire would claim complete objectivity even if they had already concluded the black or Hispanic defendant sitting before them was guilty.
In fact, I experienced this phenomenon. After a jury trial I prosecuted successfully in the early 1970s, I asked the discharged jurors, post trial, what the key factor was in their decision. One juror immediately piped up: "I knew that guy was guilty the minute I saw him." This same juror had, of course, promised the court that he would be completely objective.
Bias is a challenge for all of us. We know what Love asks of us. As humans we often fail the test. Perhaps our chances of passing it increase if we can face, with completely honesty, the prejudices that live within us. In so doing, maybe we can begin to shake off the poisonous subtext of our prejudice. Perhaps we may rise above skin deep decisions and recognize that, as Maya Angelou says so eloquently, "Love costs all we are/and will ever be/ but it is only love/which sets us free." \
What are your prejudices. How do you overcome them?

-Erie Chapman

Posted in Meditations

5 responses to “Day 84 – Skin Deep”

Deb Gerlica

March 24, 2008

Wow, very interesting. I like to think I am not bias. But, to my dislike, I am . In certain things . I don’t think bias is just skin or nationality. In foods, in drinks in clothing in hair color. Bias is all around.
Recently, Dateline has been running a series of programs entitled, “What would you do” it is based on biases. Very interesting. I try not to judge by looks alone, but sometimes we just feel our throat tightened a little when we gt into an uncomfortable situations. Sometimes, without even meaning to our bias condemn us to feel guilty. I like to live by, :Judge not, least you be judged”. Thank you Erie for this most interesting thought provoking question.

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Karen York

March 24, 2008

This is a most troubling topic for me as I struggle with my own prejudices. Sometimes I feel my reaction to a person or a situation and am then saddened that I felt that way. To help me understand myself, I try to ask the question – “what am I afraid of in this situation?” I don’t always have an answer – or more likely, I don’t like the answer that rests deep in the shadows.

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~liz Wessel

March 24, 2008

Last week I prepared several hours for a Sacred Encounters presentation. I wanted it to be special and celebratory for leaders on St. Joseph Day and I had a nice breakfast, flowers and music as little touches to make the room warm and inviting. The program was well received yet, when I reviewed the participant evaluations I must admit I felt a little disappointed that a couple of people marked a four rating versus a five. Then I took a step back for an objective view and I thought, “Oh well, I guess not everyone sees you as perfect, Liz.” I also realized I have an ideal image of myself that that I try hard to preserve. There is still a part of me that tries hard to be perfect.
Today’s meditation resurfaced a dream I had last night. A co-worker went on vacation and left me a note with instructions to follow-up on some work for her. I felt a little put out but gathered up boxes she had left behind and loaded them into a shopping cart to take over to the hospital and drop them off. I took an elevator from the ground floor up to the roof. I then began opening the cartons to look inside and sort and distribute the items. Each box had educational tools that we use for teaching caregivers at home health. The last box was very heavy and contained confidential papers and records. I could not leave any of the items. So, I reloaded the cart and left with all the boxes.
Symbolically, I think this dream revealed a truth to me. My interpretation is that the items (parts of me I avoid) came from the depths of my subconscious into the light of day (my conscious awareness) where I could begin to look at them. What I thought was someone else’s stuff was really my own issues that needed my attention. A gift in disguise.
Perhaps these thoughts seem disjointed but for me there is a connecting thread. I think we avoid those who are different from us because of fear. We fear we might discover that what we judge undesirable in another, as weak or ugly, reminds us of unwanted aspects in ourselves, and of our vulnerability. What can we do? Bring these biases into our conscious awareness. Begin to look in a neutral, safe, non-judgmental way, at our own flaws. Self-awareness is the first crucial step. As philosopher, Jean Vanier has compassionately described, the first step on a path to becoming fully human and able to Love.

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Victoria Facey

March 25, 2008

I try to live by the “don’t judge a book by the cover” rule. Most times it works, until someone behaves in a negative manner, or is obviously rude and I see the exchange with another person – or it’s me. It’s so hard to walk “that” line when you’re frustrated.
When I can, I often say a little prayer to ask for forgiveness for my stupidity afterwards. I acknowledge that I’m human and hope to strive for a better handle on things like these when they happen…

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MFM

March 25, 2008

I had always thought of myself as an easy going, non judgmental person who tried very hard to exude love to all beings. I have always had people of many different nationalities report to me and loved them all with out prejudice or bias.
In October of 1996 I called a grocery store looking for a special flavor of ice cream sherbert, the man on the other end was very nice and chatted with me while a co-worker went to see if they had what I needed. At the end of our conversation he said “you’re very nice, would you like to meet for coffee sometime”? I was taken off guard by his request; I thanked him for the invitation but said “no thank you”. Several months later I again called the store looking for something and again this gentleman answered the phone. He recognized my voice and said “so did you decide to take me up on my offer”? After some small talk I finally agreed to meet him at the coffee shop inside the store. After we hung up I realized I never asked him what he looked like and never described myself. When I called back and asked how I would know who he was, he said I’m 5’10” 180 lbs with dark hair and brown eyes. I commented so you have an olive complexion? He responded “no, I’m a little darker I’m African American”. Suddenly I felt my heart drop, an unknown fear I had never felt came across me and suddenly I was having a third person conversation with myself inside my head “What is wrong with you? What are you afraid of? You are not a prejudiced person, why are you feeling this way?” There must have been an awkward silence because he asked if there was a problem, I responded “of course not I’ll meet you tomorrow as planned”. I never had any intention of going on that date, but a friend told me how terrible I was being that all I had to do was show up, have coffee and I would never have to see this guy again. Thank God I took her advice and showed up that day, this September my husband and I will be celebrating our 9 year wedding anniversary. I often imagine how different my world would be had I allowed fear and ignorance to keep me from meeting the man of my dreams!

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