"My old drama coach used to say, ‘Don’t just do something, stand there.’ Gary Cooper wasn’t afraid to do nothing." – Clint Eastwood
The archetype of the American male movie star is stunningly predictable. Ya gotta look tough, and ya gotta act tough. This means lots of flat expressions in the presence of danger. It means, don’t show you care. It means the less feeling, the better. Consider this cross-generational list of mega stars: Clint Eastwood, Gary Cooper, Robert DeNiro, Steve McQueen, Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, Brad Pitt, Humphrey Bogart, Tommy Lee Jones. Obviously, I could go on. Do you see what I mean about the cool, tough, I-don’t-care, expression these actors project?
In the face of this, what does it mean to be a male caregiver in American society – to be a man who cares about living Love?…
Every American male lives in the shadow of the actors that society honors and the image they project. As a cheerful, caring, friendly fellow, I was suddenly handed the role of CEO of a 300-bed hospital shortly after I turned 33. After a few months of my enthusiasm and open caring for employees a senior physician approached me privately. "Erie, you’re projecting the wrong image. You’re way too nice. Ya gotta be more distant, tougher, more mysterious." He wanted me to be more like Steve McQueen (above, left) and less like myself.
"Why?" I asked. After all, I had spent three years as a federal prosecutor seeking convictions of bank robbers, kidnappers, and drug dealers. But why play tough-guy in a place that was supposed to be about caring.
"Because," the doctor said, "no one respects nice guys. Everyone will take advantage of you. Ya gotta be a tough guy or you’ll never make it."
Needless to say, this doctor loved projecting the male shadow of the cool and distant physician. His goal seemed to be to bury his heart as far beneath his armor as possible.
I told the doctor I could be as tough as anybody when the situation called for it. Thirty years later, I still believe that a leader’s most important job is to take care of the people who take care of people.
Back then, the doctor shook his head in dismay.
I have often cited my favorite example of leadership. It’s Martin Luther King, Jr. and his memorable words that the best leaders are always both "tough-minded and tender-hearted."
It’s difficult to talk to male leaders about Love. When I do, many of them look at me like I’ve suddenly surrendered my credentials as a male. Clearly, the self-image so many men embrace – that strength equates to a tough-guy demeanor – is part of the problem with male-led American healthcare. It may also be the reason why over ninety percent of nurses are women.
CEOs, either male or female, who feel like that have to act macho just to show they’re "in charge" end up engaging in mean-spirited, fear-oriented leadership. .
I admire each of the actors I mentioned above. When it comes to running non-profit organizations, I’d rather see male and female leaders who understand that charities need to be guided by people who live Love, not fear.
What do you think? Do male star stereotypes make it difficult for men to demonstrate caring?
-Erie Chapman
Journal of Sacred Work 
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