Journal of Sacred Work

  (Today’s meditation was written by Cathy Self, Senior Vice-President for the Baptist Healing Trust)

   This picture of a summer flower caught my eye at first because of what I would call beauty – deep colors, striking contrasts, interesting texture. Looking more closely, there are a number of imperfections that become evident – asymmetry in the petals, light that is somewhat flat, even a little out of focus perhaps. Curious how easily I find myself losing the beauty because of perceived imperfections.

   How we see ourselves, how we hope to be seen, and how we see others seem to me to be at the core of this week’s sharing. We wear masks, we create stories and desire to emulate other magnificent personas, or we strive to create the perfect legacy for those who will follow. Recently I heard a speaker suggest that he doesn’t want to try and emulate someone else, even a highly admired individual like Gandhi, Churchill, or Martin Luther King, Jr. – he just wants to be the best "him" he was created to be. I like that perspective. But I know that some days I find it a challenge to be the best "me" that I think I may have been created to be (begging forgiveness from the grammarians among you). There just seem to be too many opportunities to judge myself as failing or falling short. I heard this pain shared by a number of caregivers in a recent gathering of people who work in non-profit charity care.

   In times of what can feel like a crushing weight of need in this world, caregivers are asked to bring their best. Through these pages we encourage radical love, consistent compassion, continuous chains of caring. Balance that with worry about fiscal sustainability of the organization, more need than solutions, personal family demands, routine errands (love the Spring, but, oh darn, have to cut the grass again), and even whether we can afford to pay the gas bill this month to cover the home visits needed by our community clients. As one caregiver put it, "sometimes at night I think it is just too much, and I am not the person to do this work. I just don’t feel smart enough, capable enough, strong enough. It’s hard to love others when you don’t feel very good about yourself." I understood, for I have also heard those words bouncing in my head late at night.

   I was reflecting on this dear caregiver’s pain (and my own) when I came across a delightful gift in the form of a poem by Elizabeth Carlson. It’s title is Imperfection, and I share it with you for those moments when you might also feel less than perfect:

I am falling in love/with my imperfections

The way I never get the sink really clean/forget to check my oil/lose my car in parking lots/miss appointments I have written down/am just a little late.

I am learning to love/the small bumps on my face/the big bump of my nose/my hairless scalp/chipped nail polish/toes that overlap. Learning to love/the open-ended mystery/of not knowing why.

I am learning to fail/to make lists, use my time wisely, read the books I should.

Instead I practice inconsistency/irrationality, forgiveness.

Probably I should/hang my clothes neatly in the closet/all the shirts together, then the pants/send Christmas cards, or better yet/a letter telling of my perfect family.

But I’d rather waste time/listening to the rain/or lying underneath my cat/learning to purr.

   I’ve heard it said it is impossible to love well unless you feel well loved. I hope you will accept the words of today’s meditation as a love letter written just for you, sent with prayers that whatever makes you feel well loved comes to you wrapped in the sweetness and grace of Love itself.