Journal of Sacred Work

5 responses to “Days 137-139 – Open Forum”

1. 

   Karen York

   May 17, 2008

   I took the day off yesterday, and perhaps many others did as well. As much as I love my job and the people with whom I work, I have needed a little space. At the same time, I push back feelings of guilt for needing to take time off. That’s part of the balance game I guess, staying engaged by recharging our own spirits. I’ll be off again the last week of this month on our family vacation. One of the few times of the year when we all can break away together. As my teenage daughters get closer to leaving home, I treasure those family times more than ever. I am lucky to work in a place that honors family time and encourages time away. Happy weekend to everyone.

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2. 

   ~liz Wessel

   May 17, 2008

   Karen,
   How nice to hear that you had a day off and that you will soon have vacation time with those most precious to you. Blessings be to thee and thee!
   ~liz

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3. 

   ~liz Wessel

   May 17, 2008

   The Four Agreements
   This morning I had an epiphany of sorts as I reflected on times when I have been on the receiving end of healthcare. I realize that when I, or a loved one, have an encounter with medical care providers I often feel mistrustful of how I will be treated, similar to my interactions with a salesman when buying a car! How sad, especially since healthcare has been my life long profession! Unfortunately, because of previous insensitive encounters I have come to assume that I will not be cared for as a person but more like a number. (I must also say I have had some wonderful encounters too.) This thinking has led me to consider how my perceptions can create barriers that are self-limiting, perhaps even self-fulfilling.
   I guess I began pondering this since I was invited to facilitate team building sessions with a couple of departments at work this week. My goal was to encourage caregivers to increase self-awareness through inquiry and exploration of attitudes. I shared an opening reflection and each person joined in by reading a sentence. This reflection is one that I keep prominently placed on my desk to read often. Taking time out from the busyness of the workday for interpersonal communication seemed quite constructive and helpful in breaking down communication barriers. We talked about how our world views color and sometimes distort our perceptions of reality.
   I feel as though old thought patterns cloud my mind with thick cobwebs. Sometimes I feel stuck in worn out groves. However, if I shift the lens just slightly, a clear picture comes into focus. I am so close to clarity yet at times there is still a blind spot. I realize that the unfavorable attitudes I see in others are also within me. When I say something critical of another and add to the end of my thought, “Yep, just like me” I feel more compassionate towards them. Somehow understanding this connects me in a more human way to other people.
   I offer this favorite reflection of mine in hopes that it might be beneficial for you as well.
   The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz from the Toltec Wisdom Book.
   Be impeccable with your word – Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
   Don’t take anything personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
   Don’t make assumptions – Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
   Always do your best – Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

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4. 

   Julia Rivard

   May 18, 2008

   After working as a medical malpractice legal secretary and a few bad hospital experiences in my youth, I think I have always come into hospitals with a pretty defensive attitude, if not just outright hostile. I’m still very careful about healthcare. I try to learn as much as possible about any condition involved and the “normal” treatments/dosages/etc so I can at least hope to catch any possible errors early on. I’m also (for better or worse) very upfront with doctors and nursing staff about the fact that I’m pretty wary of them. I do it in the hopes that it will make it easier for them to deal with me, but I often wonder if that information just makes them want to call in sick until I’m gone. I’ve tried to become a better patient as it seems the older I’ve gotten, the nicer the nurses have become. I’ve felt much less like a number and more like a person. I think this feeling became much stronger after essentially living in a hospital for a week, not as the patient but as the mother of a 2 ½ month old patient. I got to know each nurse as a person and it seemed that they genuinely cared not only for my daughter but for my husband and me as well. Given my wariness of nurses, I was amazed to find out that they all had genuine care and compassion and weren’t just worried about charting and med schedules and earning a paycheck. Since I’ve typed out the details of that experience before elsewhere (shortly after another very brief hospital visit), I will just post it here as well below since it really meant a lot to me to have the chance to get to know and understand “the enemy” and it really did change my perspective on hospitals and nurses. (And it was all their doing, not mine, because I was extremely freaked out at the time and not exactly in the making friends/building trust mood!)
   I guess sitting around in the ER last night made me really think more about when Rejeanne was in the hospital when she was 2.5 months old. It was interesting to spend 24/7 in a hospital without being sick. I learned so much about the nurses. There was one nurse who kept coming in and raising the rails on the baby jail. Rejeanne was in this “crib” that was metal and the rails went up probably about 5 feet. That thing made me very sad. It looked like she was in prision with all these wires coming out of her. So, Lee found a bunch of magnet stuffed animals in the gift shop downstairs and we decorated it in little animals and tried to keep the rails a more normal height. It got to a point where I really dreaded the “rail nurse” coming in because I knew the first thing she would do EVERYTIME she came in would be to put up the rails as high as possible and insist we leave them like that. I assumed she just didn’t want to get in trouble for some procedure breech and I just ignored her and put them down everytime she left. One night, she came in and I was standing next to the crib. I just kind of gave her a look and raised the side of it myself so I didn’t have to watch her do it. She leaned against the sink and started talking to me and asking how Rejeanne was. She seemed to really care and seemed deeply concerned, more than the average nurse. I was a bit surprised by that because she was the “rail nurse”. She started telling me how lucky we were to have Rejeanne and for her to be getting better from the beta strep. She had a son in the early 80’s who had died from what Rejeanne had because medicine then wasn’t as good as medicine now. She checked the other rail to make sure it was latched and left the room. It was then that I realized she was just very protective of our baby because of what had happened to hers, that’s why she kept securing the rails. That experience really made me wonder how many other things I misinterpret. I really just thought she was trying to “obey the rules” and annoying me in the process when really she was just thinking of her son and her loss and doing everything she could to do her job of caring for my daughter. Many of the nurses there shared themselves with me. I was definitely not expecting that. It seemed like many of them would find some down time and just kind of come hang out for a few minutes with us and tried to get one of us at least to go home for a little while. They talked about their kids and their lives and they all cared so much about Rejeanne’s pain from the medicine IV. I’m thankful that nurses like that take care of the babies. I’ve never really had nurses like that in my hospital times (though I’m not a very good patient, which may be part of it).

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5. 

   ~liz Wessel

   May 19, 2008

   Juile,
   This is a beautiful story and I love that you shared your experience and your insights. It was a scary time for you, Lee, Rejie, and our family. Thank you. 😉
   Love,~liz

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