Journal of Sacred Work

Today’s meditation was written by Cathy Self, Senior Vice President for the Baptist Healing Trust.

"What we do inside relationships matters more than any other aspect of human life." (From A General Theory of Love).

     The work of three psychiatrists who have labored together for more than a decade is captured in the work A General Theory of Love. Their insights are extraordinary and based in the world of neurophysiology. As physicians and researchers, these individuals suggest we each carry within the capacity of what they call "limbic resonance" – a symphony of mutual exchange and internal adaptation whereby we become attuned to each other’s inner states. As surely as some insects are attracted to light, the human soul is drawn to relatedness and in that relationship finds balance and restoration through the ebb and flow of our being-ness. Human physiology finds a hub not only in light (referred to by these authors as being "circumlucent"), but also in the harmonizing activity of nearby limbic brains – relationships, it appears, are at the crux of our lives where they have the power to stabilize.When people are hurting and out of balance, they turn to regulating affiliations – marriage, friendship, groups, pets, therapist, Love. All carry at least the potential for emotional connection. We understand, of course, therein lies the potential for healing.

     Relationships live on time, say Drs. Lewis, Amini, and Lannon (authors of the book). Acquiring the skills of becoming and remaining attuned to another’s emotional rhythms requires a solid investment. Sadly, advances in communication technology have helped foster a false fantasy of togetherness by transmitting the impression of contact – phone calls, faxes, e-mail, without its substance.

     Loving it seems, blooms and refreshes through mutuality; it is synchronous attunement and modulation. It depends crtitically upon knowing the other. This is one reason we encourage so strongly the practice of circles within organizations. As leaders and team members we need each other in loving relationship – more than we perhaps have understood. Limbic regulation affords the opportunity to influence each other’s emotions, neurophysiology, hormonal status, immune function and even sleep rhythms (withness the small child who seeks the parent in the middle of the night or the elder who suddenly loses a lifelong mate).

     How we regard each other carries great power, so that if I view you as a child of God, struggling to love and be loved or if I see you as an idiot or a jerk makes a difference. Dr. Rachel Remen, author of Kitchen Table Wisdom, has noted the inner conception we carry of others may be reflected back to them in our presence and may affect them in ways we do not fully understand. Perhaps limbic resonance is part of the picture. Regardless, we know those who are at their most vulnerable place need us most to reflect to them Love. Listen to the words uttered by a patient to one of the psychiatrists whose work I have been sharing in this meditation:

"I wouldn’t demand a lot of my doctor’s time. I just wish he would brood on my situation for perhaps five minutes, that he would give me his whole mind just once, be bonded with me for a brief space, survey my soul as well as my flesh to get at my illness…I’d like my doctor to scan me, to grope for my spirit as well as my prostate. Without such recognition, I am nothing but my illness."

     Good physicians have always known the relationship heals. Walter Percy wrote "modern man has lost something – what, he does not know; he only knows that he is sick unto death with the loss of it." This mystery – this thing we call Love! Spending time together, it seems after all, really does matter.