Journal of Sacred Work

Caregivers have superpowers! Radical Loving Care illuminates the divine truth that caregiving is not just a job. It is Sacred Work.

About

Former President & CEO of multiple hospital systems and founding president & CEO of 20-hospital OhioHealth, best selling author, film artist, ordained minister, composer, published poet, syndicated T.V. host, trial attorney, federal prosecutor and Municipal Court Judge. Erie is internationally known as the founder of the Radical Loving Care(R)movement. He also heads Erie Chapman Foundation, Dane Dakota Productions, LLC, and Chapman Health International, Inc.

About

Day 238 – The Source of Stress

August 25, 2008

One of the most potentially useful insights shared in these pages in the past is a bit of wisdom that goes like this: Stress arises primarily from our efforts to control the behavior of others. For caregivers and leaders alike, this knowledge can be invaluable.
New leaders (as well as some veterans) often misconstrue that their job is to control the behavior of the people that report to them. The best leaders have come to understand that employee behavior cannot be "controlled." The role of a leader is to help in setting tone and direction as well as finding ways to encourage others to engage their best energies in living out mission. Leaders that try to compel compliance through threats and tight control are about as successful as basketball coaches who think they can control the arc of a basketball in the middle of a foul shot. When leaders approach their roles like this, they generate enormous stress for themselves and others – and they usually fail.
Once guidance is offered, leaders need to trust in the skills of others.
Likewise, caregivers often experience stress through letting supervisors decide their feelings. How often have we heard ourselves and others say, "That supervisor made me so mad." Or "My boss upset me so much I made a mistake." Who decides how we feel, ourselves or our leaders?
This is all very easy to say and very difficult to live. Still, we may be able to access greater peace and serenity by letting go of our tendency to try and change the behavior of others. Personally, I find it hard enough to change my own behavior much less that of my fellow beings.
May you live this week in peace and love.

-Erie Chapman

Posted in Meditations

5 responses to “Day 238 – The Source of Stress”

~liz Wessel

August 25, 2008

I welcome the wisdom offered in today’s meditation. It leads us to examine our own part in creating or responding to stressful situations. As identified trust is the needed ingredient for healthy relationships. It seems to me that an effective leader is apt to address concerns with an objective and neutral attitude by focusing on performance measures versus emotionally charged criticisms that are harmful to all involved. Rather than projecting shame and guilt outwards or to be a righteous observer that judges bad behavior and takes the stance of good, we might best serve one another by focusing our attention, as you suggest, back where it belongs,on ourselves. To focus on what we can control; our own behaviors and attitudes. We can learn much by asking ourselves, how am I perceiving others? Is my attitude cynical and mistrustful, or trusting and kind, judging and critical or responsible and accountable? How do I show up for you?
I receive today’s blessing with gratitude. Thank you! 🙂
~liz

LikeLike

Reply
Erie Chapman

August 25, 2008

Liz, thank you for enriching today’s mediation with your lovely and insightful comments.

LikeLike

Reply
Victoria Facey

August 25, 2008

What an insightful meditation to read today. So much would be gained when supervisors begin with a neutral stance while addressing employee performance or behavioral incidents.
Their inquiry may turn out to be one of clarity when the approach is handled differently. This would begin by asking to hear both sides of the issues at hand. As an employee, I can handle stress to a certain extent, but then I become physically ill when intimidated under the same stressful circumstances. Most competent employees are aware of terse times and project deadlines – no other pressure is really needed.
But, again I value today’s message to employers to foster positive and supportive behavior with employees; this effort shows and can go a long way.

LikeLike

Reply
D.Montalvo

August 25, 2008

Thank you Erie for your message today. It is so true. In my manger experience. it is best to speak with staff on the facts. I recently had to approach an employee regarding a behavior. When I approached with the “fact” of the behavior the employee was open to changes.

LikeLike

Reply
Lorilee Amlie

August 25, 2008

Stress is generated most of the time by the fact there is a situation we can’t control. And really, we can’t control anything but ourselves, so we have to learn to control the stress. I had a boss many, many years ago who told me “Don’t let that person have control over how you feel”, so I have lived by that and tried to remember that at difficult times.

LikeLike

Reply