"The boss wants to see you." "The committee will meet and review you." "The jury will retire to deliberate." "You need to go to the principal's office." "Wait until your father gets home." "The doctor wants to talk with you."
Every one of the above sentences creates its own kind of pain. I've felt every one of these sentences and each has marked my spirit in its own way.
As a kid, I made endless trips to the principal's office and spent lots of time in halls outside class and in detention throughout my school years, banished there by a long line of teachers who had lost patience with me. Elementary school, indeed, school in general, is designed for people who like to color inside the lines. That wasn't (and isn't) my gift. So, early on, I decided there was a way to free myself from such tough judgments. I needed to learn how to perform well in a wide variety of areas. I thought, naively, that when I had finally gotten enough schooling, collected enough degrees, held enough big jobs, been on enough boards, learned how to do enough different things, knew enough of the "right" people, had enough money, had a corner office…that finally I would be accepted, that somehow I would not need to keep proving myself.
Of course, I was mistaken.
There is no such thing as to live in society and not experience an endless pattern of judgment from those who we allow to have the keys to various doors we think lead to happiness, peace and safety. Even, for me, the process of joining a new church has required that I win approval. As for the process of ordination? Well….
I know the obvious part. Civilization is, after all, founded in laws and rules. I'm a lawyer and a former judge. I know about this. We can't just let people into the various rooms of our lives without requiring some evidence of competence and some sign of integrity, can we? I guess not. But, I wonder when the time comes for suspending judgment and just accepting, on faith, that the person before us is fundamentally good, even divine?
What scars might have been, and might be, avoided if kids like me encountered teachers and principals who approached us with understanding and compassion instead of with pre-judgment and condemnation?
I understand that the recent deluge of trouble from Wall Street suggests that some people received too much trust. Yet, does this sense of distrust grounded in greed need to infiltrate the lives of all of us doing charity work, breeding suspicion from seeds of fear?
The harsh judgment of others can be a source of great pain for so many. The harsh judgment we direct against ourselves is far worse. One kind of judgment we can manage. The other we cannot.
One reason so many supervisors working in healthcare have adopted harsh tones is because they have grown up receiving the same thing. And that is the point of this essay. Perhaps, we all need to take a two-part look in the mirror. In part one, we need to ease up on judging ourselves so harshly. In the second part, we need to see if there are other ways we can communicate our feelings about others, using understanding and compassion along with the other elements of Love, accountability and respect. But, then, am I sounding too judgmental?
Whatever the question, Love is the answer. What do you think?
-Erie Chapman
Journal of Sacred Work 
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