Journal of Sacred Work

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Former President & CEO of multiple hospital systems and founding president & CEO of 20-hospital OhioHealth, best selling author, film artist, ordained minister, composer, published poet, syndicated T.V. host, trial attorney, federal prosecutor and Municipal Court Judge. Erie is internationally known as the founder of the Radical Loving Care(R)movement. He also heads Erie Chapman Foundation, Dane Dakota Productions, LLC, and Chapman Health International, Inc.

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Day 84 – Compassion for Shadowed Lives

March 25, 2009

"And the only thing people regret is that they didn't live boldly enough,
that they didn't invest enough heart, didn't love enough. Nothing else really
counts at all." – poet Ted Hughes (below, with wife Sylvia Plath) in a letter to his adult son Nicholas Hughes, whose mother, poet Sylvia Plath, committed suicide when Nicolas was nine months old.

We never know how much courage it takes for some to live at all, much less to live boldly. When the news was released on March 23 that Sylvia's son Nicholas had, himself, committed suicide at the age of 47, so many must have thought to themselves, "Ah, just like his mother."

The causes of suicide are always more complex than our pat explanations can penetrate. We are often quick to judge. It is harder to try and understand the darkness that shadows the days of some among us. This is true in spite of modern drugs that have eased the pain of many, but not all.

Ted Hughes wanted his son to live not only boldly but courageously – to risk the hurts of being humiliated or embarrassed. But we cannot program the lives of others. All we can due is try to understand and, in our understanding, to withhold any judgment. Life is so hard for so many. Some of us hang on, some of us find it easy to do so. And others simply cannot make it. For those, we need to reach into our hearts and find compassion and love.

So many of us travel dark passages. It is then that suicide may cross our minds. Disappearing can sometimes seem like not only the safer path but the more loving one. After all, if we imagine we are just trouble to others, why not leave? This is, of course, an illusion since suicide rarely, if ever, makes things better (the suicide of Hitler would be a rare exception.)

The vast majority of us strive to save our lives and those of others, not to take them. As we find our own sunlight, may we not forget to love those who may be living in shadows.

Shortly before taking her life at age 30, Sylvia Plath wrote, "I shall never grow old." Sadly, she seems to have influenced the length of her son's life as well. Today, I mourn for both of them and for all those who find it so hard to find Love in this world that they choose to exit early. Here is something Plath wrote shortly before she took her own early departure from this earth:

I am inhabited by a cry. Nightly it flaps out
Looking, with its hooks,
for something to love.
I am terrified by this dark thing
That sleeps in
me;
All day I feel its soft, feathery turnings, its malignity.

How can we best help others through times of melancholy?

-Erie Chapman

Posted in Meditations

7 responses to “Day 84 – Compassion for Shadowed Lives”

Melissa Scott

March 23, 2009

“How can we best help others through times of melancholy?” By the power of the Holy Spirit!
I have been doing missionary work in Atlanta, GA. I have seen God in amazing beauty and in times of uncertain distress.
The past week I have been struggling with being depressed and over exhausted. I have been depleted of all energy.(I tend to think that’s when I stop resisting God and he can finally move through me. )
I woke up this morning and prayed. I asked God to fill me with the Holy Spirit, cause I am dying. I am depleted and exhausted.I asked God to move in my life.
As I was leaving my morning service site I said bye to a friend of mine who lives there, Clark. He asked why I haven’t been around and how I was doing. I went on to inform him about my week and how I am slightly depressed. He told me that sometimes being alone continues to create that cycle,and how he’s glad I came around.
I felt so touched and amazed. God loved me through Clark!
As I continued walking home(3 1/2 miles.) A man(who is homeless) approached me and said,”Where’s your hat?” I was slightly confused. I replied “oh, because of the sun.” (I am very pale and it was very sunny). He took off his hat and said,” it’s the perfect size for you” and handed it to me. I was dumbfounded and didn’t want to reject his gift so with his help I placed it on my head. He looked at me and said “I love you” and then walked away. What are you kidding me?!? As I continued walking I almost had to stop and cry. I met Jesus today in the sunshine and he cared for me and loved me in such a subtle beautiful way. God filled me with LOVE! And all through other people.
AMAZING!

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Deb Gerlica

March 25, 2009

Sometimes, God touches us in ways that we never saw coming. Melissa, I read you entry and got tears in my eyes. Know that today you have made a huge impact on my life. Be kind to strangers, because the stranger might be GOD. I think you encountered an angel.
I struggle today because of the hurt I see being dispensed around me. Selfish acts of greed. But, I smile because through you God touched me today. Many blessings

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~liz Wessel

March 25, 2009

I do not pretend to have any expertise in this area but I do have some thoughts and feelings to share in response to this thought provoking meditation. In 2004, a very dear college friend of mine committed suicide. He was married and had three school age children. I cried a river of tears. To express my love and grief I drew a mandala (Sanskrit word for circle, spiritual art form) and mailed it to his wife and an enclosed letter. I explained I did not wish to impose my beliefs or offend but I did want to share my heart with them. I drew a large oak tree that was without leaves and the picture contained symbols of nature, which to me was the essence of Gary, an unconfined free spirit. Along the four borders of the drawing I wrote each family member’s name and repeated these words by Dr. Ira Byock, “I Love you, please forgive me, I forgive you, goodbye.” In the letter, I shared my prayer for Love’s blessings to keep our hearts open and to offer great compassion towards ourselves and others. I continue to remember them in my morning prayers.
Melissa your expression touches my heart deeply as I truly believe that God speaks to us through others. What I alluded to in an abstract way, in my post yesterday, you make real. It is beautifully illustrated in your experience as you awakened to encounter the living God in others. Thank you for sharing your precious gift.
I imagine that the psychological pain must be so intense and unrelenting that one would consider death as a release from suffering. I believe this pain may occur when we feel disconnected from our Source and from Love’s healing energy. Perhaps, there is the feeling we are separate and unworthy of Love and we experience guilt. We think we must be better, prepare ourselves somehow-but we need not, nor do we need to understand, just awaken. I believe our release from pain and guilt is through others, through forgiveness, when we release others of all guilt, and when all we can see is their true essence of Love.
How can we best help others through times of melancholy? That is a difficult question and there is no easy answer. It requires great sensitivity and care not to impose our beliefs, attitudes, judgments, or lame attempts to fix. I do believe that it all comes down to Love. To allow sacred space for Love’s presence to be made known. “For whatever the question, Love is the answer.”

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Karen York

March 25, 2009

I think the key word in your question is “through”. You didn’t say “with”, “during” “in spite of” “while”… Through implies that you stick with them and accept them until they are able to come through their darkness…or not. I don’t think they need forgiveness for taking their life. Who is to say they did anything that requires my forgiveness? Who am I to judge their actions or what I perceive to be a life cut off too short. It’s not my call – it’s not your call. Of course I am saddened and grieved whenever I hear of a suicide because it does seem senseless. We wonder what we could have done to prevent it. That seems a bit egocentric – as if I had control over someone else’s destiny. This is not to say that I absolve myself of my role in the aid and comfort of others. But it’s more about total acceptance and love for the person and the life they lived.

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~liz Wessel

March 25, 2009

I don’t know if this response will be helpful, or not, but I sincerely hope so. I would like you to know that I appreciate your sharing these heartfelt insights. I agree with all you say. Please let me apologize if I have offended you in any way, Karen. I wish to clarify that I did not mean a person needs forgiveness for taking his or her own life. I often speak of forgiveness as a path to healing within these Journal pages. In the context of end of life care, Dr. Ira Byock speaks of four things a person needs to say before they die. I love you, please forgive me… for the times I may have been impatient with you, or cross, etc., I forgive you… for those times you may have been preoccupied or not listening etc. and to say our goodbye. I explained this in my letter to Kelly and it was received well with that understanding at the time. I am grateful for this opportunity to dialogue with you. Thank you, Karen.

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~liz Wessel

March 26, 2009

Or perhaps I judge without even realizing it.

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Claire Wessel

April 3, 2009

Too bad I didn’t read this posting when it was fresh! Suicide is one of the predominate themes in my life. A few of my closest friends and a family member have done this and I’ve fought the urge since I was nine. Suicide is very often a snap decision. The urge is usually not from a logical reason. Those are the people who succeed. Those who get help usually see a light at the end of the tunnel or hope to see one some day. Other than those driven to suicide by chronic pain or a fear of a terminal illness, suicide is often just a misfire in the brain. I think people who haven’t been there or who are mourning want to believe it is more than that but most times the brain just says “kill yourself” and on one of those occasions, it actually happens. There are many reasons why people might kill themselves, but many people live with that desire for a very long time and never do it. I’ve also been discovering lately that many people experience the same miseries as some people who are suicidal, yet they have never experienced a suicidal urge. There is also the sadness of knowing that you have everything you have ever wanted in life and feel happy, loved and grateful everyday, but still feel suicidal. That is how you know that suicide is a misfire, when someone is happy and suicidal at the same time.

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