Journal of Sacred Work

When we live surrounded by people, some of the passion and insight natural to us leaks away through the sieve of small talk. -Ardis Whitman

[cartoon from xkcd.com]
   Technology is providing us with ever more easy way to reach each other. Beyond email, texting and cell phones, there is Facebook, My Space, instant messaging and the rapidly expanding Twitter.
   What do we say to each other through this magical new technology? Hang around an airport or a shopping mall or a teenager and you will discover that the most important question seems to have become, "What are you doing?" Based on the responses so easy to imagine from the loud talkers that populate many cell phones, the most popular response must be, "Not much. What are YOU, doing?"
   Of course, small talk matters. Everything we have to say doesn't have to be weighted with deep meaning. Small talk is wonderful if it helps us enrich relationships. It's even more wonderful if it involves a caregiver who is saying something to a patient beyond, "open your mouth," or "take off your clothes and put this on."
   What Ms. Whitman seems to suggest in the quote, above, is that small talk can literally take over our lives so that there is no room left for us to advance the dreams that are most meaningful to us. Several years back, I heard a successful business leader say that we should all write three goals down on a piece of paper and put it in our wallets to be checked frequently. The three goals should be things that we are capable of doing, but which would be somewhat of a reach for us.
   The most important thing he said was, "Do NOT tell anyone your goals." Why the secrecy? There are at least two reasons. The first is that other people naturally tend to dismiss our goals and discourage us in accidental ways that can kill dreams. What do you suppose most people would have said to Barack Obama as little as five years ago if he said he dreamed of being President?
   The second reason is equally telling. Sharing big ideas in their embryonic state can dissipate their energy. The dreams may be stillborn in a swirl of small talk. I have often been amazed by the number of people who describe, particularly in party situations, cool things they are thinking of doing. I routinely heap praise on these folks and then I ask them what sadly turns out to be the killer question: "When are you going to start working on this?" Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, the response I see is either a shoulder shrug or a comment from the dreamer who says, "Oh, it was just a thought."
   When other people make big things happen, we like to say, "Well, I could have done that." The question is not whether we can think of the idea but whether we will have the persistence to transcend the small talk and make the dream come alive.   
   The departure from small talk can be dangerous (see Cartoon, above.) I've often been warned by my wife to stay away from religion, politics and any other subject that might be controversial in group settings. Harmony seems to be the watchword. And harmony is lovely just so long as we don't live ALL of our lives seeking to achieve it. The best ideas, the ones that truly help others, are the ones that often sound crazy and controversial at the beginning.
  What others need from us is a certain measure of small talk, and a bigger measure of courage to live the Love that is present around us every moment.
   How do we avoid letting small talk dominate our lives and dissipate our dreams?

-Erie Chapman