"If I speak in the tongues of mortals…but do not have love, I am a noisy gong…" – 1 Corinthians 13:1 (NRSV)
One of the first word combinations my 18-month year old grandaughter has learned is a powerful two-word phrase. "My turn," she said to me on the phone a couple days ago. Her mother taught her words about taking turns in the milieu of the playground to minimize the customary squabbles with other children.
No sooner do we learn, as small children, to say words than we discover that we are not free to speak as we wish. If we don't find the "right" words to use and the "right" way to say them, we may well find ourselves shunned.
Within the small circle of my extended family, I have loved ones who sometimes have trouble finding the right words for a variety of reasons. Perhaps we all have moments like this. I know I do. Yet, each of these people have special challenges.
In talking with her mother, one family member, Eri, struggling with personal issues, has often chosen words of resentment that have rung in her mother's ears like Paul's "noisy gong." Kathy, an in-law's sister, hears words no one else can hear from people no one else can see. Schizophrenia creates another consciousness, often isolating her from those nearby.
My cousin, Doug, speaks kind words, yet still sometimes finds himself distanced from those who can hear the sound of his brain injury in his pronounciation. My cousin Ronnie, born deaf and brain damaged (the day before me) can say no words at all. My late cousin, Johnny, found himself separated from parts of society because some felt they could "hear" that he was gay.
Society expects us to walk a narrow pathway along which we need to be very careful not only to choose the right words, but to say them in just the right manner: not too loud, not too sarcastic, never angry.
It can be a treacherous journey. If we stray, society's punishment is great.
In the workplace, the burden on caregivers to choose the right words is heavy. Professional language requires not just the right diagnosis, but the right way of delivering it; it requires not just delivering instructions, but being careful to frame them clearly and thoughtfully.
How do we find the right words? It turns out, the Apostle Paul offers the answer. When our words are informed by Love, they will always be the right words. Whether the words sound right to others is another matter. For example, when caregivers speak up for justice, they may not always choose words that create happiness. Yet, the words of Love provide their own comfort for the speaker.
There is a second side to Paul's injunction. It has to do with how we hear the words of others like the family members I described above. When I hear the speech of the developmentally disabled or the mentaily ill, can I respond with respect and compassion or will I default to pity and disdain?
When others use harsh words to me, can I find the Love to hear their pain rather than to dwell on my own hurt? Can I listen with Love as well as speak with her guidance?
How do you encounter the impact of words in your work as a caregiver?
-Erie Chapman
Journal of Sacred Work 
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