We shape our self 
to fit the world
and by the world
are shaped again.
-David Whyte
Saturday evening, I found myself in the ER of a local hospital with a loved one. Because of how much I care for this loved one, I thought, "I have to use everything I know about hospitals to shape this experience." Instead, I found myself doing almost nothing because I was so pleased (and surprised) at how well we were treated both upon entering and throughout the night until the next day's release.
Naturally, there were delays, but the seven or eight people we encountered were uniformly pleasant and professional. Of course, I don't know how the system would have worked if we had been rude, drunk, poor, a minority or all of the above. But, I had the impression that we might still have gotten excellent treatment.
Each of us goes through terrific contortions to shape ourselves to fit the world. Less obvious, perhaps, is how the world shapes us.
Depending upon our goals, we find ourselves looking at those around us and seeking to change our shape so that we can fit through the narrow door into society and into the company of those whose approval we seek.
This world is incredibly harsh toward those who don't shape themselves "just right." Those who look "different" feel rejection the moment they enter the school system. Those who aren't skilled enough or smart enough or charming enough may soon find themselves shunned and broken-hearted.
We say it's up to us to shape our own reactions. After all, we are the ones who decide how we feel, right? Yet, the truth is that in order to stay in touch with the world, we need to look for clues in the behavior of others. If we see only rejection and attack, it can be terribly hard to hold onto a positive self-image.
The world of caregiving is always demanding. What I wonder is how effective you and I can be in re-shaping various aspects of it that we can influence. We can allow mean-spirited supervisors to destroy our work experience and the work culture around us. Or, we can strive to keep our focus on the patients before us and not buy into criticism when it is ill-founded.
We already know all of this. Yet, when I saw David Whyte's opening lines (above) in his poem, "Working Together," I immediately thought of how many times I have allowed the world to discourage me and knock me down.
Whyte writes that just as a plane trusts the air passing around its wings to hold its weight so may we choose to trust what we cannot see. Here are the closing lines of this same poem:
...look for the true
shape of [your] own self,
by forming it well
to the great intangibles about us.
How about you? How do you deal with the world's efforts to shape your caregiving experience?
-Erie Chapman
Journal of Sacred Work 
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