Journal of Sacred Work

"We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny." – John O'Donahue (below, 1956-2008)

 
  I know of no advice harder to follow than that offered by O'Donahue. Yet, his counsel could not be wiser. As I often write here (and speak elsewhere) the wisest path for all of our lives is to live Love, not fear.

   Why is this so hard? We are born with only two fears: falling and the startle reflex to noise. All other fears are learned. As very small children, we have relatively clear and simple ideas of what we want and little worry about the opinion of others. 

   We are then introduced to the astounding power of parental and other adult influence. As three-year-olds, people triple our size tell us what's expected of us. In order to live in the world, we need to adapt our behavior to others, we are advised. For most, this means learning to meet expectations: of parents, teachers, friends and others who pass judgment over us every day. 

   Now comes Donahue to tell us we must not let others determine our success. Isn't it your supervisor who decides if you get a raise? Isn't it our families and friends who determine if we are loved? Partly. But what about the guidance of our souls? 

   Donahue also writes: "When you are compassionate with yourself, you trust in your soul…Your soul knows the geography of your destiny better than you do." 

   I love this advice. But, how do we follow it? How do we go about listening to our souls? 

   Perhaps, all listening begins with our silence. In this silence, we have the chance to ask ourselves the question of how much of our lives is governed by fear – fear of mistakes, of punishment, of complaints from patients or bosses, of loss or possible loss. 

   All of these fears lead us into a terrible trap – the one that tells us that is we can just find the right levers, we can use them to control the behavior of others and manipulate our own destiny.

   The soul knows better. The soul is filled with Love and fears nothing. The question is not what do we fear but who do we love?

   How does love find expression in your life as a caregiver? How does your expression of Love open the door to your soul's wisdom and strength? 

-Erie Chapman