Journal of Sacred Work

Caregivers have superpowers! Radical Loving Care illuminates the divine truth that caregiving is not just a job. It is Sacred Work.

About

Beauty triumphs over the inherent suffering in life.  Nietzsche

   Someone dear to me is suffering deeply at this moment. His suffering is so great that he has chosen a pathway often walked by those in agony. He has shut down. The shell around him has thickened as he seeks to heal inside the barriers he has created. It is impossible for him to know, at this moment, that his suffering is more likely to be healed by opening than by closing.

   The nature of caregiving is to encounter suffering at every turn. Some are trained to heal the body, some the heart. Who heals the spirit?

Pregnant-woman    Can suffering be beautiful? Can it lead to healing on the other side? The image of a pregnant woman reminds us that new life is often born through pain. The foolish seek to forget their pain as soon as it ends. The wise understand that pain is so expensive, they might as well learn what it has to teach.

   Yet, in the middle of our own suffering, it is very difficult to hear anyone's advice that "you'll be stronger after this." Indeed, Nietzsche is the one who first wrote: "Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger." But, who wants to hear this?

   When I feel depressed, advice about how my suffering will be good for me makes me want to toss aside all my beliefs about Love so I can slug the unwelcome adviser. Indeed, when I made the mistake of offering a line of counsel to the one who is in pain, he basically told me: "If I want your advice, I'll ask for it."

   Hurt is difficult not only for the individual who is suffering directly but for all those who care about him. It is a rare caregiver and even rarer patient who understands that there can be beauty in suffering as well as on the other side of it.

JesusWall     Perhaps, suffering's beauty looks different than the pretty beauty of a flower. Maybe suffering's beauty is more clearly what Christians see in the upturned eyes of Jesus on the cross. 

     As a caregiver, are you able to find any kind of "beauty" in suffering? How does this help you give care?

   -Erie Chapman

Posted in

6 responses to “Days 293-295 – Beauty & Suffering”

  1. ~liz Wessel Avatar

    Today’s meditation is heart wrenching as well as challenging to contemplate. “Who heals the spirit” is a poignant question. In healthcare, we are so focused on the physical healing and overlook an essential aspect of healing, which is spiritual. You raise several important points, it is indeed painful for all involved when someone is deeply despairing and there are no easy answers…and nothing we can do or say to remove the pain.
    In response to your question, am I able to find beauty in suffering? A few thoughts come to my mind. First, not to run…this can be unfamiliar, painful, fragile territory and my first instinct may be to avoid, fix, suggest, advise, make light, etc. It is a terribly vulnerable space where my words often do more harm than good. It requires a total concentration on listening and not talking. It can be quite difficult to stay present…with no solution, just raw emotion and pain. For me the beauty is in complete acceptance of human suffering without trying to change, control or manipulate the situation or the person.
    I recall reading Palker Palmer’s book in which he describes his own deep depression. He described one person who helped him the most. This friend visited week after week and did not speak but sat quietly and gently massaged his feet. To offer our full presence in acceptance of another human being, and of ourselves, is a rare gift of Grace and is filled with a special kind of beauty.

    Like

  2. Victoria Facey Avatar

    I am usually ignorant to advice when I’m in physical pain. It’s different when it is emotional; I’m fragile and begin to pray frequently to get past the situation. When I am in a wiser state, I look at the siuation as a teaching tool, and then question what is the message, or lesson I am to learn. Unfortunately I am too wound up to see the beauty.

    Like

  3. ~liz Wessel Avatar

    The remarkable photo of the pregnant woman is so beautiful!
    Additional thoughts on the transforming power of suffering that I find helpful.
    Suffering without Pat Answers an Excerpt by “DM”
    “When people go through suffering, their lives are often transformed, deepened, marked with beauty and holiness, in remarkable ways that could never have been anticipated before the suffering. So, instead of continuing to focus on preventing suffering- which we simply won’t be very successful at anyway- perhaps we should begin entering the suffering, participating insofar as we are able…. In other words, we need to quit feeling sorry for people who suffer and instead look up to them, learn from them, and – if they will let us- join them in protest and prayer. Pity can be nearsighted and condescending; shared suffering can be dignifying and life-changing….”

    Like

  4. ~liz Wessel Avatar

    For a Sunday…
    The above comment I posted affirms many of your teachings but I liked the affirmation the person offered. In addition, the following is an interesting passage about the nature of suffering from the teachings of J. Krishnamurti. It is rather metaphysical but resonates with me.
    “We are seeing the fact, the ‘what is,’ which is suffering [sorrow, psychic pain]. That is an absolute fact. I suffer and the mind is doing everything it can to run away from it. When it does not run away then it observes. Then the observer, if it observes very very closely, is the observed, and that very pain is transformed into passion, which is compassion and love. Why don’t you live with suffering completely? Can you live with it in the sense of not escaping from it? What takes place? Watch. The mind is very clear, sharp. It is faced with the fact. The very suffering transformed into passion [love, compassion] is enormous. From that arises a mind that can never be hurt. Full stop. That is the secret.”
    …And this commentary by ~Daniel Marks
    “What the above passage from the Krishnamurti talks is implying, then, is that the ending of suffering (which is not merely the ending of personal suffering, or self-pity, but ending of the deep universal suffering of mankind, which derives from the prison of ignorance in which we all live) transforms (or mutates) the potential of the neuro-chemical connections in the brain into greatly expanded energy, which is passion, compassion, or love. This is the energy of, and behind, the entire universe. This energy is emptiness that lies at the heart of all things. There is a catch, of course – after all, there’s always a catch to everything. We have to stop running away from suffering, to unleash this energy.”

    Like

  5. Julie Laverdiere Avatar

    This is a very poignant excerpt for me now. My marriage of 23 yrs is going to separate, and I know that my suffering with this is going to continue for a long time.I am asking for a lot of prayers to bear this with race and light. It has been a long time in coming. Our relationship has not been good for a long time. So, as stated so well, I will run to this and embrace the pain, so I can go through it. There is something else there for me to grasp on to, and I am not sure what it is, but Iknow it is there. Pray for my strength to go with the suffering.

    Like

  6. Marianna Avatar
    Marianna

    As a caregiver I have been able to appreciate a patient’s suffering when I have experienced it myself. For example, I have had pneumonia twice and when patients are admitted for PNA I am able to feel their pain and see the beauty in my healing words of experience to them. Other than these type of situations I cannot say I have been able to find a kind of “beauty” in suffering.

    Like

Leave a reply to ~liz Wessel Cancel reply