Journal of Sacred Work

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"There is some kiss we want with our whole lives, the touch of Spirit on the body."  Rumi

Holy kiss - rodriguez    It may come as a surprise for many to discover that members of the early Christian church routinely kissed each other as part of their celebration of God's Love in community. This may also have been true of early practices in Judaism.

   The kisses, of course, were intended as expressions of God's Love among the brothers and sisters of the church – among the children of God – not as something erotic. "Greet one another with a holy kiss," the Apostle Paul offers in Romans 16:16. This instruction is repeated in Corinthians, Thessalonians, and in the first letter of Peter.

   American churches have, in general, long since abandoned this display of kissing - too many worries about erotic overtones no doubt. This seems a shame for, as Rumi wrote centuries ago, "There is some kiss we want with our whole lives…" The holy kiss affirms our humanity, not our sexuality.

   Hugs and kisses are exchanged among friends, almost always female, in American society. American men, on the other hand, are tacitly forbidden such expressions.

   Consider, on the other hand, the cultures of Europe, Russia, the Middle East, and many other parts of the world where hugs and kisses on the cheek are common ways of greeting. Paul wanted to encourage "holy kisses" because he understood that congregations needed to create a sense of unity.

   Some of he most beautiful kisses I have seen occur when a nurse caregiver leans to kiss a dying patient. As babies, we experience an immediate need to be held and kissed. As we age, or become sick and infirm, the young are less and less likely to want any physical contact. How tragic.

   I have see some caregivers offer kisses to old men and women in ways that are, oddly, condescending instead of holy. "I'm just going to give that sweet little old man a peck on the cheek" I heard a nurse say once. It was as if  the "little old man" were once again a four-year-old.

   The old and the sick are often physically shunned. This happens just at the moment they are most in need of being touched, of being loved, of an experience something like "a holy kiss." By avoiding contact with the old and sick, we signal that they have somehow fallen to the edges of humanity and are no longer "touchable" except for the purpose of a medical procedure.

   The question before every caregiver every day is: How may I bring healing to the sick patient in my care. Great caregivers listen for what the patient needs. A small number of patients want no contact at all and something like a kiss may seem intrusive.

   But for most patients, kind-hearted contact can be remarkably healing. It is not an actual "kiss" that matters. It is the holiness of touching with Love, of reaching out to another being who has fallen so deeply ill that they may feel they are no longer a part of the human race, no longer a child of God, no longer worth human contact. 

   "There is some kiss we want with our whole lives…." It is the kiss of the holy. It is the touch that helps heal our isolation and relieves us, for a moment, of the sense we have that we are alone in this world.  It is a gift that can heal beyond words.  

-Reverend Erie Chapman

Note: The painting above is by Alonzo Rodriguez

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7 responses to “Days 293-295 – The Holy Kiss”

  1. ~liz Wessel Avatar

    As I read your meditation, I feel as though I’ve received a Holy kiss. Isn’t it a shame that we lose sight of a person’s inner beauty when we can only see the exterior. Our society seems increasing so, with body altering surgeries becoming so commonplace. I fondly recall the days of my boys youth and the loving relationship they had with their Grandma Wessel. Helen was crippled with arthritis, her face wrinkled and weathered from years of sun. Yet, they did not take any notice; for their love of one another was radiant, pure gold.

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  2. Marily Avatar

    Often I wondered whenever I have donned my isolation gowns, gloves and masks… how I look, I could be scary to some patients, or do I add to their alienated shameful feelings? Most times an explanation of the rationale of our gestures is not enough, it requires more… it is felt in whatever we do our sincerest motive, masked or unmasked. How we touch a patient with gloves or without. I pray, that I may bring healing touch to my patients, friends and family that I care each day. Surely, there is some kiss we want with our whole lives… It is the kiss of the holy.

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  3. xavier espinosa Avatar

    Toni Morrison once asked; “When a child, your own or another, walks into the room, do your eyes light up? Or do you keep a bothered look on your face? They feel that as harshness directed at them. Children find love or not in their caregivers faces. What expression do you wear?”
    Whether it be a kiss, a touch or a simple gesture of compassion, it is incumbent on us as caregivers to recognize the incredible impression that our actions implant in our fellow humans when we are present when their malady is revealed to them, when they become cognizant of the nature of their disease. A simple acknowledgment at a time of a nightmare made true- “You are terminal”, “There is nothing we can do”, “We will make sure you are comfortable” these words that will resound and echo in the mind of the person who receives the news and can haunt throughout the course of their decline. I recall how many times hearing a person cry out in disbelief, begging the physician to change their words, questioning, pleading for a different answer. What comfort can they be provided as they look around the room into our faces looking for miracle?
    Pope John XXII said “… with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do. … I have looked into your eyes with my eyes. I have put my heart near your heart. …” The kiss is a welcome, the kiss says “You are going to be treated with love” It is not the physical act of kissing, it is the intention within our actions that demonstrate that we see each other as a child of God, worthy to be recognized, loved and comforted as we ourselves would want to be comforted in any time of distress.
    “There is some kiss we want with our whole lives, the touch of Spirit on the body.”

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  4. ann kaiser Avatar
    ann kaiser

    The delivery of a kiss is one of the softest and simplest expressions of Love that one can deliver, that also has the highest impact and place of honor I beleive in society. It honors the person and shows that they are important and valued. When I lived on the East coast, we had friends from Europe visit us , and they always greeted us with a kiss to each cheek. I looked forward to their visits. Those are wonderful memories. I think of the picture of Jesus , with the little child sitting on his lap, welcomed, comforted and loved. It is the same in the kiss, delivered with the touch of the Spirit, delivered with our Love of God to one another. It joins our spirits. God Bless you all for your wonderful sharing of your thoughts today.

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  5. Victoria Facey Avatar
    Victoria Facey

    This gesture (the kiss) is one I love to see when watching people. With children, their kiss and touch is so pure as they encounter the lucky recipient. When traveling, I love to see greeters and visitors, such as at the airport, a restaurant, or in a hotel. I wish our modern culture was more demonstrative by expressing themselves in their greetings and in saying good-bye.
    As a caregiver, I see that a caress, a touch and any sign of compassion is appreciated by the patient, or co-worker. You never know who would benefit from this selfless gift until you reach out to them…

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  6. ann kaiser Avatar

    Wow, Victoria……your comment needs a “like” button!!

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  7. erie chapman Avatar
    erie chapman

    Thanks to each of you for sharing with all of us your kind responses.

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