Journal of Sacred Work

Caregivers have superpowers! Radical Loving Care illuminates the divine truth that caregiving is not just a job. It is Sacred Work.

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Former President & CEO of multiple hospital systems and founding president & CEO of 20-hospital OhioHealth, best selling author, film artist, ordained minister, composer, published poet, syndicated T.V. host, trial attorney, federal prosecutor and Municipal Court Judge. Erie is internationally known as the founder of the Radical Loving Care(R)movement. He also heads Erie Chapman Foundation, Dane Dakota Productions, LLC, and Chapman Health International, Inc.

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Days 6 & 7 – Eyes

January 6, 2011

A comedienne joked on television that tests have shown we will fall in love with anyone whose eyes we gaze into silently for four straight minutes. Hopefully, blinking is allowed.

It is funny how nearly impossible it is for adults to look very long, in silence, into someone's eyes – especially if the "someone" is a stranger or someone of the opposite sex. On the other hand, eye-gazing is no problem for babies, as demonstrated by the photo I took of my friend's infant (at left.)

One of the most powerful ways we recognize the humanity of another is by "seeing" them – both literally and figuratively. One of the most powerful ways we denigrate others is by failing to "see" them.

Patients are often not seen. Prisoners are not seen and it is rare for anyone to look them in the eyes. After all, many have determined that patients are "less than" healthy people and prisoners aren't people at all but numbers.

Likewise, we often fail to see some of those who work the hardest in hospitals – housekeeping staff, maintenance employees, and patient transporters can live their days ungraced by the eyes of others who think their work is so important they can't be bothered making eye contact with "lower level" staff.

Have you ever looked into the eyes of a homeless person? When is the last time you looked into the eyes of someone you may love – a spouse or one of your children? We may have come to know these folks so well that we no longer see them – even when they are grieving or frightened.

Do we look into the eyes of those we've worked with for five or ten or twenty years? Or have we stopped looking because we think we already know everything about who they are – as if they have become like old paintings on the wall?

It is through the eyes that our heart sees the heart of another. When we can't see another, we can't see ourselves.

The way we see, the way we look into the eyes of another, says so much about who and what we value. When are hearts are filled with Love, that is when we are able to see the sacred spirit of the other.

-Erie Chapman

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9 responses to “Days 6 & 7 – Eyes”

Karen York

January 6, 2011

I think we don’t look into the eyes of the homeless or the hurting for fear we see ourselves. We want the allusion of strength and power and fear our own vulnerabilities. To look deeply into the eyes of another drops the barrier to our souls. Thank you for this reminder of being open to others and to face our innermost fears.

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Angelica

January 6, 2011

First of all, I just want to say I’m sorry for being absent from this beautiful journal for so long. It is always refreshing to read, a blessing in itself.
The discomfort that sometimes happens when we look into the eyes of another, whether it be a stranger or someone we know very well, can be something we try to avoid. Our different backgrounds often tell us different things, how it must feel to look at another person, “both literally and figuratively.” Regardless, we can be united in spite of our differences because of the love in our hearts that we decide to share. Thank you, Erie, for reminding us of the importance of sight and of being able to see a person’s heart and the needs that long to be fulfilled. It may feel a bit uncomfortable to look directly into the eyes of another at times, but I want to try this more, especially with my patients. It feels that doing so not only allows one the opportunity to see the features of another being, but it may also instill a sense of hope in the person with whom we have locked eyes.

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Carin Dusse

January 6, 2011

I have discovered your blog by change and I am so blessed by what I am reading. It is like music to my soul. I am going to follow your blog. Thank you so much!

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ann kaiser

January 6, 2011

It as if my moment was frozen in time as I handed a plate of food to the man in front of me. He was wearing an old torn dirty coat and his gaze was down towards his shoes. He was timid as he took the offering of food, not taking his gaze off his shoes. I gently touched his hand and said, ” God Loves you and sees you here tonight, I want you to know that”. Ever so slowly, this man looked up and we just looked into each others eyes for a moment. I smiled ( trying to keep tears back) . The man said ” Thankyou for looking into my eyes today, no one sees me anymore”. I told him I am glad to see you today. I had no idea how profound a moment I was in , until after the moment was gone . Here’s to ” seeing ” you my friends!!!

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~liz Wessel

January 6, 2011

I appreciate your thought provoking essay and the remarkable photo you shared, Erie. As I gaze into this baby’s eyes, a keen awareness and the soulful eyes of a life so new, surprises me. Eyes are such deep reflective pools, an opening to the heart, the mirror of our soul, able to express meaning beyond the confines of words.
Of late, what troubles me is conflict I have about a day-to-day interaction with another person. When I greet them good morning and/or goodnight, this person will not make eye contact and responds with a cold monosyllable reply. It is so demoralizing to me, to receive a perpetual undercurrent of projected anger. Do I shrug it off? Try not to take it personal? As I reflect, I realize that I can only work on my own issues. I need to monitor the stories I begin to tell myself. It takes courage to own one’s truth. I hope to have a conversation with this person soon, one that might lead into some real dialogue and a new understanding. I really would like to check out my perceptions. So much conflict arises from a lack of communication, faulty assumptions and misunderstanding. As a Journal reader, by the name of Carol so profoundly offered yesterday, I wish to “learn to love the person in front of me” who is not really a villain no more than I am a victim. As I let go of the story line, to just feel, perhaps I will see they hurt, just like me.
I had an opportunity to share your thoughts today with others at the opening of our meeting. All present, were quite moved by your inspiring message, Erie. Some spontaneously shared their own insights, which blossomed into a sacred moment. Thank you for this precious gift..

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xavier espinosa

January 7, 2011

One Thanksgiving when I was in college one of my roommates and dearest friends had no where to spend the holiday. Holidays at my parents home was always inclusive so it made sense to invite her to spend the weekend with us. Sometime afterward she told me how it was evident how much my father loved me. “How could you tell?” I asked her- she simply replied- “You could see it in his eyes” Part of my job over the years was providing sensitivity training to the in-house CNA training program. My module was movable so I found myself following and learning from most of the training sessions the students were expected to demonstrate proficiency in order to graduate the program.
My father was found to have cancer and was given a short life expectancy, he in fact died ten days after being diagnosed. Because my mother wanted his last days to be as least disruptive as possible, and because my father insisted on maintaining his independence, we deferred having in home services until my father decided it was necessary. It was finally on a Friday morning that it was apparent that my father’s condition had deteriorated and he finally admitted his pain was intense. The nursing care was excellent, however at such late notice, hospice informed me what it would not be possible to assign supportive personal care staff until after the weekend. The responsibility for his personal care became my responsibility which I undertook with honor supported by the education I had absorbed all the years while I waited to present. The day before my father died I finished his personal care and proceeded to put him in the bed provided by hospice, he had decided that morning to sleep in that bed rather than in the one shared with my mother. As I transferred him to the clinical bed we both paused and our eyes locked on each other. His eyes showed the wear that the illness had caused him, “You know that I love you very much” I told him, “I know” he answered. The gaze lasted just moments but all that needed to be said was communicated between us. I medicated him and he fell asleep, probably enjoying the lightest incidence of painful rest he had endured in a long time. The day he died I needed to return to my home and check back in to work to allow for time off. When I checked on him in the morning I looked into his eyes once again and told him that I would be going back in the afternoon but would return the next day. He looked at me with a sallow gaze and I told him- “If you want to go you can, everyone is fine” Three hours later he quietly passed. I understood the unspoken power that the eyes hold.
Pope John XXII said “… with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do. … I have looked into your eyes with my eyes. I have put my heart near your heart. …”

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Marily

January 7, 2011

We once have a leader who comes to work early, made himself visible by his presence but seldom looked at us into our eyes. He would selectively say hi to some employees he already know, but most times others complained of his unfriendliness,and snobbish ways. The importance of eye contact in our relationships couldn’t be more emphasized, in the way we see, the way we look into the eyes of another, says so much about who and what we value. When our hearts are filled with Love, that is when we are able to see the sacred spirit of the other, even in those who shy away their gazes.

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Maria Doglio

January 9, 2011

This is a powerful thought provoking piece as well as all the comments for me. It speaks to the extreme shyness that I struggled with when I was a child and young adult and often avoided people’s eyes. I worked hard to overcome this but there is still an inner shyness that remains that prevents me to “make eye contact” in many situations. What is it I am trying to hide from still or why do I not want to be seen through my eyes or see into theirs? Maybe I can only look into the eyes of those we feel safe with?I am still working on these questions.
The eyes are the mirror of our soul. I think if we look into another’s eyes clearly, we can see past the layers of their particular “personality” and perceive the beauty of their soul. On the soul level we are all alike as one, for that is where our purity lives and is the reflection of God within us.

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Rorie Ramirez

January 15, 2011

Our new grandaughter is starting to focus her eyes at her age of one month. What a joy to stare into her eyes as she looks at you! The eyes have it.

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