The little boy on the hill tests the sloping ground. My youngest grandson can't see past the hill into his future. Which life will he live, his own or one someone else wants for him?
My dad, like all parents, wanted me to be a success. It's taken me a lifetime to figure out what that means.
Of course, I knew what he meant. He wanted me to become an executive or a professional.
To make those careers seem attractive, I spun grand images of myself as a lawyer or CEO. As it turned out, I did both.
Was that what I was meant to do? Recent retirement has opened choices I've always played with and never committed to.
It took a therapist to convince me that I was an artist. That was the life I was meant to live and now I spend most of my time with film-making, photography, music composing, sculpting, and even dance choreography.
In an important way, I've always been a practicing artist. I treated my work as a lawyer and hospital leader as an an artistic pursuit. That is something every caregiver can choose to do.
Living what you want may seem like a luxury. But what is the price of living the life someone else wants for you? Kierkegaard suggested that so long as we live such a life our core truth remains hidden.
Whatever is richest within us cannot surface unless we align our life with our love.
We cannot transcend the ordinary unless we are fully open to Beauty. We can choose Love's colors or gray-paint our path.
Schopenhauer taught that "All things appear more beautiful, the more we are conscious merely of them, and the less we are conscious of ourselves."
Those who live in this way periodically "lose" themselves in Beauty. Whenever they do, they gain God.
Less ego, more God.
But the world appeals to our ego and thus we will always be vulnerable. Love waits patiently to enter the small spaces that open, perhaps when the heart soars…or when it breaks.
When I discussed being an artist with a friend, she said, "Maybe you are finally reclaiming your life from your father."
Her insight teased out my truth. Obviously, my father meant no harm. He simply had a different picture of success that certainly didn't include his son being a full time artist.
Living true means letting go of others expectations and listening to what Love has in store for us.
The little boy on the hill will find his answer. I can only hope that he will live the life he was meant to live. And that you are doing the same.
-Erie Chapman
Photograph copyright Erie Chapman 2011
Journal of Sacred Work 
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