Journal of Sacred Work

Saturday, six of us — former home health colleagues and long-time friends — gathered to celebrate Suan's 84th birthday. Though she no longer recalls our names, she was happy to have our company, and her face lit up with delight as we sang a few songs, joining in with laughter and joy.

Due to advanced dementia, Suan has lived in a licensed residential care home for nearly three years, receiving excellent care. While she continues to slowly decline, requiring total care, she feels safe, secure, and content. I visit her most weeks, and throughout her illness, I was one person she always remembered. Now, there are days she doesn't know me. But today, she knew me by name, and as I was leaving, she said, "I love you." I replied in kind, kissing her forehead as I took my leave. I was truly grateful for the gift of that moment.

Today, I honor my friend Suan with this reflection. Suan is a woman of deep faith that has sustained her throughout her life, blessing her with a kind, light-filled spirit and a happy heart. Born in Malaysia, her mother died when she was four. Her father remarried, and then he died when she was 17. She described her stepmother as unkind, and in my mind, I pictured a likeness to Cinderella's wicked stepmother.

After high school, Suan left for England to study nursing with help from her uncle. She became a nurse midwife, tooling around on a bicycle to visit expectant mothers and deliver their babies at home, much like the show "Call the Midwife." Eventually, she came to the United States and began working as a nurse's aide until she earned her credentials to practice nursing in California.

As a Registered Nurse, she worked for the Visiting Nurse Association for 25 years, receiving an award for her dedicated service upon retirement at age 65. Throughout those years, she touched countless lives with her sunny personality, ready laugh, compassionate presence, and excellent clinical skills as a seasoned professional.

Though Suan never married, she did experience true love when she reconnected with a man she knew from her hometown in Malaysia. He searched for her after his wife died, and Suan spent a year back in Malaysia. When she returned to California, they kept in touch until she was no longer able.

Suan has lived a full life, traveling the world with various friends and enjoying herself wherever she went. At this later stage in life, she is still quick to smile. We laugh sometimes at nothing in particular and then laugh some more. What I have come to realize is that Suan truly lives in the now. She no longer remembers the past, so she has no regrets. She doesn't think about the future, so she has no worries. She lives contentedly in the moment, still enjoying singing "Jesus loves me, this I know…" She will not remember I came to see her as soon as I leave, but we still have our moments, and for that, I am profoundly grateful.

Note:  The Alzheimer’s Association can provide guidance on how best to support your loved one and support for caregivers.

Special thanks to Suan’s friends: Francine, Betty, Kathy, Mary Lou, Ruth, and her wonderful caregivers and aka. Friend/hair stylist: Jennifer!

Liz Sorensen Wessel
Drawing by ~liz